#if youre ftm or know where i can find other ftm guys PLEASE tell me

[blushft]

i wish i had more trans man friends to talk to ...

[thegnomelord]

Locker-room jokes

CW:NSFW MDNI, FTM reader and Gaz, frotting, oral, first times, masc terms (cock, cocklet, bottom growth) this is based off a post I saw somewhere and a talk I had with @embry-garrick . Author isn't trans so tell me if this sucks lol

Guys comparing dick sizes in the locker room is a joke as old as time. You'd never considered entertaining it as it always came off stupid to you. . . yet here you are.

The locker room is thankfully empty except for you and Gaz, the silence buzzing beneath your skin and leaving you awkwardly shifting your weight from one leg to the other. It's not like you two haven't seen each other naked before, God knows some of the communal showers on different bases were little bigger than shoe boxes, but the expectation to do more than just catch a glimpse — that makes you feel naked.

Agreeing to this had been easy, but now that it came time to put your words were your mouth was you realize you were too arrogant; You can't quite make yourself meet Gaz's gaze, eyes flickering from his face to the darkened lines beneath his pecks, to the sparce trail of body hair that disappears down beneath the towel wrapped around his hips before returning to his face, your cheeks burning.

"Oh, is someone nervous?" Gaz shows you mercy by sauntering closer, gun calloused hands finding their place on your hips and thumbs slipping beneath the towel's hem. "Scared you're not going to be able to rise to the occasion?" His voice has a teasing lilt to it as he snickers at his own words.

You open your mouth to speak but you're forced to bite your tongue when Kyle presses against you, chest to chest and skin to skin. He tilts his head back, your noses brushing together. "You know," His lips brush against yours, just a ghost and a promise something more should you listen to him. "You could just quit while you're ahead and save yourself the embarrassment."

Even the miniscule sensation of his lips on yours leaves your body wanting more, your ribs aching to be wrenched open so he can hold your heart in his hands. Damn tempter.

You ignore your body's wants, the knowledge of him testing you making something burn in your chest. "In your dreams." You repeat the same words that got you into this mess, the words that awakened his competitive streak.

You mimic him by gripping his hips and clutching the towel barely hanging around him. But there's a small tremor in your hands, anxiety nibbling on your nerves — You're treading new ground, the furthest you two ever got was drunken make out sessions and heavy groping in bathrooms or broom closets or Price's office that one time.

Kyle doesn't mention the tremble, your actions earning yourself a pleased grin from him. "Ooh, aren't you arrogant." Which is good; it wouldn't be fun if you were a wet rag about it. Kyle's fingers shift to skirt across your sides before gripping your towel tighter. "Tell you what, we take them off together, yeah?"

"Aren't you thoughtful." Your words make him grin, but you nod your head. "Fine—" You grip his towel, the muscles in your arm tensing. "One, two, three-"

You barely manage to say the last number before Kyle yanks the towel off your hips and tosses it carelessly on the nearby bench. You scramble to do the same, your hands suddenly your mortal enemies as you stumble around a bit while you feel his eyes on you before you manage to take his towel off.

Gaz knows he looks good, he's proud of his body, but the way your eyes travel across his frame — from his face to his chest, following the happy trail of sparce hair down his abdomen to his groin where the neatly trimmed pubic hair accentuates the length of his bottom growth— has blood rushing to his cock, has him feeling high as a kite.

He looks you over up and down, both to see your embarrassment grown and because he's pleased by what he sees. His eyes settles to your groin where a bush of hair partly obscures your own bottom growth, glancing between you and himself. "I reckon I'm bigger."

Something about the way he says it, like he's a jaguar that just caught a cayman, sparks something inside you. "Only because you're smooth as a baby's ass." You growl and push a hand between your bodies, trapping your cock between two fingers and spreading them slightly so it's fully on display. "I'm bigger." You can't help but press a chaste kiss on the tip of his nose, some of your arrogance coming back.

Kyle tries not to, but a pleased noise escapes his throat — you're definitely bigger, at least half an inch if not more. He's not willing to admit defeat that quickly, but fuck, the change in your attitude is a major turn on.

"Cheater." The accusation would be far more hurtful if he didn't press himself closer, one hand holding your shoulder, the other sliding down to hold his cocklet. "Just gotta-" But he doesn't stop there, slowly stroking the length of it between his fingers, thumb swirling across the tip. "-I'll show you big."

"Now who's cheating?" You snark, using your free hand to hold Kyle tightly so he doesn't lose his balance. You don't stop him, mesmerized by the way each languid stroke has his cock chubbing up a bit more, slick easing the glide as it glistens across his flushed flesh.

"You started it-hah!—" You pick the moment to grind your groin into his, the tip of your cocklet roughly grinding against his and forcing a small punched out noise from his lungs.

"Whoops." You grunt, pleasure starting to simmer in your veins as you grind your cock against his again. "Sorry, just needed to get the right angle." Your tone makes the lie obvious but you can't be bothered to make it sound believable, the combination of shifting of your hips and the slow movement of your hand as you stroke yourself at the same tempo as him has lightning rushing up your spine. "I'm still bigger than you."

"Bastard!" The curse morphs into a short laugh and finally into a moan that bounces off the tiled walls, his head tilting forward to place a sloppy and disorganized kiss on your cheek. Kyle pants against your skin, leaving crescent shaped bruises on your shoulder from how tightly he grips you. "Hold on, I just have to-" He moans again, rocking his hips to meet yours that has the sensitive heads of your cocklets bumping together. "-fuck- fuck- just, give me a minute it gets bigger."

"What's wrong Kyle, failing to rise to the occasion?" You have no idea how wet that smug tone of yours makes him, but with how obscenely loudly his slick squelches against his fingers, Kyle's sure you'll figure it out soon. "Here, let me help you."

It's Kyles turn to be surprised when you push him into one of the stalls, his back meeting the cold tiles of the shower. "What are you planning?" He grunts, a yelp escaping him when you suddenly grab his thighs, picking up and bending him nearly in half until your head's cradled between his thighs and his cock's inches away from your mouth. The years of gymnastics makes the position possible, the numb pain of muscles deep in his back stretching making the pleasure so much sharper.

You blow cold air across his sensitive cocklet, watching it twitch with need. "Relax, just getting a better look." The way his thighs shake when you lick a slow stripe up his cock has your mind buzzing, the needy sound that breaks past his lips sweet as honey to your ears. "I'm gonna help you get as big as you can." It's hard to look away from his cock but you force yourself to look up at Gaz, resting his cocklet against your lips. "It's only fair."

"You-" Whatever he wanted to say next is cut off when you take his entire cock in your mouth, resting it on your tongue for a few moments before you suck. "-oh fuck!" His hands scramble to find purchase on your shoulders, gripping your hair as he hunches over, his mouth right next to your ear so you can head a moan leave him — deep and low and so desperate.

It makes you want to pull more of those sounds out of him. And you do — sloppily slurping on his cocklet for a few seconds only to pull off to lick it, alternating between slow strong swipes of your tongue across his entire shaft to small kitten licks on his tip. Occasionally you pull off entirely to blow cold air across it, keeping him teetering on that edge of pleasure, silencing the sounds of discontent with a few swipes near his hole before taking all of him into your mouth to repeat the cycle.

You don't know what's more intoxicating; You feel yourself grow drunk off the slightly sweet and musky taste of his slick that runs down your chin, the image of his abdominal muscles fluttering and thighs shaking from the building pleasure in his belly burned into your mind, Kyles babbles of "Yeah, like th- fuck, fuck, fuck- that- pleas-hah—" and calls of your name broken by moans and whimpers like the song of angels.

You feel him get closer to the edge, or at least you assume so by the way the grinding of his hips into your face grows erratic, your name being the only word that still clings to his brain as he chants it like a mantra, his fingers shaking from how tightly he grips your shoulders.

Kyle makes a sound like a wounded animal when you suddenly pull off, "-no-no-nono!" He cries, hips still bucking into the air with the need to tumble over the edge of pleasure, tears staining his cheeks as he manages to force out a weak glare. "Wh- why w-gh!- why?"

"We still have to compare." Your voice is rough like you'd been gurgling shards of glass, holding him steady as you lower him enough to wrap his legs around your waist, pressing your bodies together until you're smushing him into the wall.

He doesn't complain as the sudden move has your bottom growths rubbing against one another, and only now do you realize your body is as desperate as his. "Y- ah fuck- yeah right." There's still that fire in him, but now he uses it to grip the back of your skull and mush your lips together, ignoring the taste of himself on your lips. "Just-shit mh!- move."

Kyle's heels digging into your flank makes you rock forward, grinding your cocks together. Your slick mixes together, your pubic hair sticking to his skin and tickling the sensitive flesh of his cock with every thrust. He openly moans into your mouth, licking in and around your open mouth, trying to clean off the slick staining your skin but only making a bigger mess as spit now mixes with his juices.

Kyle feels like he's burning up, like he's just a puddle of please — the pace you set is rough and your kisses are sloppy and desperate and it feels like Heaven. Gaz wraps all four limbs around you tightly yet he still gyrates his pelvis to meet yours, every nerve in your bodies feeling like a live wire as pleasure builds and builds until it's ready to spill over.

"Fuck- Kyle-" You grunt, your fingers leaving bruises on his flesh, his back sliding up and down against the tiles as you increase your pace, every brush of his flesh against yours banging on your skull. "I'm -mhm- close."

"Mh- me too-" He slurs against your lips, kissing you until both of you are gasping for air. "please-please-please-love- make us cum, plea- ah fuck!—" Kyle shouts as his orgasm finally crashes into him, toes curling and head tilting to bite your shoulder in an attempt to silence himself as he cums, hole fluttering around nothing and cock throbbing as slick runs down his thighs.

The pain and pleasure comes for you a second later, you grip him so harshly you can feel his bones groan as you cum too, your hips grinding together to prolong the mind numbing pleasure, your teeth finding his shoulder as you bite down as well.

You don't know how the Hell you're still standing by the time you come down from your high, every muscle in your body straining like you'd just went through a suicide mission. Kyle's no better, shaking like a leaf and completely boneless in your arms, panting into your neck.

You kiss the bite mark you've left on his shoulder, gently bumping your head into his to gain his attention, "Kyle?" You ask, "Are you alright?"

"Fuuuuck lovie," Kyle groans, barely able to lift his head enough to give you a sloppy kiss on the cheek. "That was good." His fingers idly scratch your scalp, the low rasp of his fucked out voice makes your cock twitch half-heartedly but you're too worn out to get aroused again. "Remind me to blow you when I can feel my legs again."

Yeah, he's alright.

A small laugh breaks past your lips and you give him a similarly sloppy kiss. "I will." Somehow you manage to sit down on the floor, Kyle laying on top of you, as content as a spoiled cat.

"Just so you know." He whispers into your ear, his fingers slowly sliding across your sides, thumbs rubbing lazy absentminded circles into your skin. "I want a do-over of this contest." He grins, and fuck, you can't get past how handsome he looks like that. "Maybe in my room, yeah?"

You can't refuse. "Yeah."

[sooniebby]

hi i love your work thank you for feeding the bottoms!!! may i request nanami kento and coworker reader staying after everyone's left the office cause only they were put on overtime and one thing leads to another and before he knows it, reader (ftm) finds himself bent over nanami's desk, his spotted tied wrapped tight around his wrists while nanami is balls deep in him

ఌ 𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎

꧁ 𝙆𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙭 𝙢𝙖𝙡𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 ꧂

Smut 𝘿𝙧𝙖𝙗𝙗𝙡𝙚! ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

You knew Nanami wasn’t an overtime guy. The other coworkers kept blabbering about it to you ever since you joined the company. Nanami himself confirmed it but he didn’t really speak to you unless necessary. It led to you wondering if having overtime was that bad.

It was.

It really was. But Nanami didn’t seem that angry. Maybe because you were cockwarming but that must’ve been a coincidence. It really just happened out of no where. First you complained about the chairs being too uncomfortable.

Then, Nanami was telling you to keep quiet. He was angry earlier, having been forced to stay overtime with some random newbie. It really just escalated a bit until here you were, pussy stuffed with a thick cock.

“Nanami…”

“Sir.”

“Eh?” You tried to look back at Nanami but he forced you to face forward. His hand that held your waist went down to tug at your clit, earning a moan from you.

“Even if other people aren’t around, it’s still respectful to call me Sir.”

A scowl appeared on your lips. He really did have a kink for that stupid title. You and Nanami were dating, have been since you started working there, but it was more fun to act like you weren’t.

“I’ve been sitting on your cock for hours, Sir.”

“It’s only been thirty minutes.”

“That’s like ten hours for me. Please, just fuck me.”

Nanami hummed as if he was deep in thought. “Do you deserve it?”

“Please!! It hurts.” Your pussy had been clenching around Nanami the entire time his cock was inside. It wasn’t a shock that Nanami could enjoy this but you couldn’t. You wanted to get fucked now.

“You’re so whiny.” Nanami shook his head as he closed his laptop and moved it away. You felt him move around before he suddenly tied his usual spotted tie around you hands.

“Wha—?” You tried to ask what the tie was for but it left your mouth when he suddenly stood up and slammed you down on his desk. It hurt, it really fucking hurt but it also made your cunt clench down on his cock.

“At least you can say you lasted longer than the last time. What was your record? Ten minutes?” Nanami asked as he brutally began to thrust inside you. You couldn’t answer him, skin pressed up against the desk as your body shook against it.

Nanami usually eased into his harsh thrusts but he was merciless today. He gave you no time to breathe as he gripped your waist tightly to keep you in place for his thrusts.

“How long can you last now? Three minutes?”

A pitiful moan left your lips. Usually after some cockwarming, you only lasted a minute before cumming. It wasn’t your fault his cock felt so good.

His cock was long and thick, stretching you nicely. The sound of skin slapping and your pathetic cries filled the empty office. It hardly crossed your mind that someone could come inside and just see.

See Nanami Kento fuck his subordinate on the company’s desk.

It was a miracle the desk didn’t collapse from the harsh thrusts. You sometimes wondered how he could be so strong. Certainly felt impossible for him to pleasure you like this. His cock dragged against your wet walls, reaching places no other man (or dildo) ever reached.

“Sir… I’m close,” you cried, wishing you could turn around to face him. Nanami’s hand reached over and began to rub at your clit, causing you to scream out. You uselessly gripped at the desk for purchase, a way to ground yourself as you tried to fuck yourself on his cock.

A stray slap to your ass cheek brought a whine from you. Nanami’s grunting began to fill the room with your moans, indicating he was close to. He leaned down over your back and reached over to grasp your face.

He made you face him as he pulled you into a kiss, much more sweet compared to the sex. His final thrusts were harsh and fast, his cock throbbing against your walls. You came quickly, clenching down on his cock.

Hot wet cum filled your pussy as Nanami made sure to be in as deep as he could. He rarely came inside, not really liking the mess it made. You moaned in approval as he pulled away from you, his cock out as cum began to drip onto the floor.

You signed as you took off the tie, wanting to rest up before you heard the sound of a camera. With what little strength you had, you turned to face Nanami to see him hold his phone.

He simply slipped his phone back into his pocket. “I’m collecting memories.”

“Pervert.”

“Were you not the one that had a fantasy about fucking in an office?”

He was right about that. You only pouted and reached down to collect a little bit of the cum from your pussy. With eyes on you, watching your every move, you brought your cum coated fingers to your lips and licked them clean. You stared straight at him, a smirk on your lips when you noticed his cock twitching to life.

Nanami sighed. “I’m not as young as you.” He said but was still moving to push you down on the desk.

“Sir?” You teased, a smirk on your lips.

He didn’t answer as he grasped his cock to your cum filled pussy and began to thrust inside.

Maybe overtime wasn’t too bad…

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

Nanami died two weeks later—anyway, thanks for the request! I love writing drabbles, get to practice my smut

Tag list: @bokutosproperty @chill-guy-but-cooler @kiiyoooo @the-ultimate-librarian @mello-life69

(Ask to be added to the tag list/you’ll be tagged in every fic I post)

[slamminslamminmcgill]

Jefe - Lalo Salamanca/FTM Reader (NSFW!)

you walk into el michoacáno looking for a job, where you meet the handsome and devilishly charming lalo salamanca. he welcomes you aboard with open arms, and he's eager to show you the ropes.

tags/warnings: oral sex, vaginal sex, squirting, semi-public sex, possessiveness, light dom/sub

anatomical terms: dick/cock, cunt/hole

words: 6,680 (because i smoke crack apparently)

ao3 link

author's notes: im learning spanish so please correct me if you notice any mistakes!! i'd really appreciate it ♥

El Michoacáno

You think you had lunch there once or twice. Decent, but nothing too remarkable. You weren’t there to eat, anyway. You were looking for a job and just happened to be passing by when you spotted the help wanted sign out front. Figuring you’d have as good a shot there as anywhere else, you walked inside. 

The air was abuzz, at least more so than you’d expect on a Monday afternoon. Lively music and delicious smells emanated from the kitchen. There weren’t many people in the restaurant. Two young men were talking at a table, though you couldn’t make out their conversation. You spotted another young man with a shaved head standing in the back, seemingly watching the other two. You figured he was the guy to talk to.

“Excuse me?” You asked as you approached him, and he looked up from the conversation to acknowledge you, “Do you work here?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. What’s up?” He asked. He didn’t seem like much of a talker, but you got a nice vibe from him.

“The sign out front said y’all were hiring?”

Before he could answer, a loud voice butted in from the kitchen, shouting over the music.

“¡Nachito! ¿Quién es ese? (Who is that?)”

The man in front of you groaned. That wasn’t a good sign, you thought. He turned his head and replied to the mysterious voice, “No sé. Me preguntó sobre un empleo. (I don’t know. He asked me about a job.”

“Entonces, le debes preguntar como se llama, ¿no? (Well, you should ask him what his name is, no?”

He rolled his eyes before turning his attention back to you. “What’s your name?”

You answered, and he repeated it to the stranger, who seemed intrigued. “¡Bien! Le dices a espere ahí. Voy a salir justo en un segundo, déjame terminar esto primero. ¿Es lindo? (Good! Tell him to wait right there. I’m gonna come out in just a second, let me finish this first. Is he cute?)”

“¿Por qué no le ves por ti mismo? (Why don’t you see for yourself?)” He asked, and then shifted his attention back to you. “That’s my boss. He’ll be out in a second. I’m Nacho, by the way. Short for Ignacio.”

You nodded, thanking him for translating. You could only pick up a couple words in Spanish, so you were curious about what kind of person his boss was. You wondered if he was gonna be your boss then, too. If that was the case, you wanted to make a good impression. You started to fix your hair and adjust your clothes before the man you were talking to spoke. 

“Don’t worry, you look fine. He can be kinda… ‘intense’, but you just gotta get to know him fi-”

“Ah, there we are!” The voice from the kitchen announced as its owner walked into the front of house. You turned to find an older man who could very easily be described as tall, dark and handsome. He had silky salt and pepper hair, a mustache, a floral patterned shirt tucked into tight dress pants, and an apron taut around his waist. He was slightly sweaty from working in the kitchen, but that just made it seem like he was glistening. When he saw you, he playfully bumped Nacho with his elbow, “Wow… es verdad. Se ve muy lindo, ¿cierto? (Wow… it’s true. He looks very cute, yeah?)” he laughed to himself, wiping his hands on his apron. Nacho kept the same stoic expression, unphased by his boss’s joke. “You must be ___. You’re looking for work, yeah?”

And there goes all the interview prep you did. You weren’t expecting to be caught off guard by your potential new employer being a smokeshow. Your brain scrambled trying to answer him. “Yeah, I, uh… I was just passing by and saw the sign out front. I’ve worked in restaurants before, and I have my resume if you need to see that.” You started to dig through your bag when he stopped you.

“Don’t worry about that, chico. Relax. Let me get to know you first, and we’ll see if you’re a good fit here, okay? Come, sit down.” He walked over to a nearby table and grabbed a seat, gesturing you to sit down across from him. “My name’s Eduardo Salamanca, but you can call me Lalo. My family’s owned this place for decades now.” 

You repeated his name in order to drill it into your mind. “Lalo, okay. Nice to meet you! Makes sense why you’d be open for so long. Whatever you were making back there smells great.” You smiled, hoping you weren’t coming off too strong in your flattery.

Lalo giggled. “Thank you. You ever been here before? I think I’d recognize a face like yours.”

You blushed, but kept your composure. “Once or twice, yeah. Food was good, though I don’t remember seeing you here before either.” 

“Oh, I’m just here temporarily. We had a family emergency and needed someone to take over for a little while. I’m usually handling our affairs down in México,” Lalo crossed his legs and folded his hands, resting them in his lap, “Actually, that reminds me. Do you speak Spanish?”

“Uh… un poquito? (A little?)” You made a pinching gesture with your fingers when you said that. Lalo couldn’t help but giggle. “Sorry. Is that gonna be a problem?”

He waved off your concerns. “No problem at all. I’ll just have to teach you then. You’ll pick it up quick, don’t worry. Where did you work before?”

You breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed your posture. This felt more like a blind date than talking to a potential boss. “Well, I was actually a manager over at Los Pollos Hermanos for a while. It was fine, but the customers were-”

“The chicken place?” Lalo asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “I know the owner!” He laughed. “He’s an… associate of mine, I guess you could say. You know him?”

You perked up, “Mr. Fring? Yeah! He’s the one who did my interview, actually. I only met him a couple times, but he was always nice to us whenever he came in.”

“I bet,” Lalo replied, eyeing you more carefully after you name dropped his “associate”, though he made no indication, a charming smile still plastered on his face. “Let’s see… what else do I need to ask?” He pondered for a few seconds before it clicked. “Ah, ya me acuerdo (I remember). Have you ever been arrested, charged, any kind of criminal record or things like that?”

Your face dropped. You hated answering this question. It always made you ashamed when you brought it up. “Once, actually. I got arrested for drug possession a couple years ago.”

Lalo’s smile retreated, and he looked at you somberly. “What happened?”

“I was in a bad place mentally back then, and I… I got caught with stuff in my car. My lawyer got me a good deal though, but it just sucks having to talk about it. Makes me feel dirty.”

“No, I mean, what happened when you got arrested?” Lalo asked. “Sorry if that’s too personal. If you don’t mind talking about it, I’d like to know how you handled it. It’s a tough situation, you know?”

Your eyes widened. That was a weird interview question. Was this even technically an interview? “Well, I… I was handcuffed and read my rights. Then they brought me back to the station and booked me. After that I got sat down at a table in an empty room, and two cops tried to get me to talk. I told them I wasn’t speaking with them and I wanted my lawyer.”

Lalo nodded, his smile slowly creeping back in. “Smart boy. Resourceful, I like it. Tell you what, if Fring trusts you, I trust you. You wanna start tomorrow?”

You perked up at the offer. “Really? You mean it?” You tried to hide your excitement, but you felt it seeping through your pores.

“Yeah, why not?” Lalo said enthusiastically, matching your energy. “I got a good feeling about you. You don’t mind starting early, right?”

“No, not at all,” You replied, “I had to work opening shifts at Los Pollos sometimes. I’d have to  get there around 5.”

“Muy bien (Very good). Get here at 5 tomorrow, okay?” Lalo asks, holding his hand out for you to shake it.

You nod, taking him up on that handshake. You try not to think about how strong his hand feels. “Got it. Thank you, Lalo!” You gather your stuff and head for the door. “I’ll see you then!” 

Lalo waves you off. “See you then.”

—

It was still dark out when you arrived at El Michoacáno. Lalo had told you to come in the front entrance and he’d leave the door unlocked for you. You did as instructed, a delicious smell and various noises wafting through the air. You figured he must be in the kitchen. You followed your senses to the back, and sure enough, Lalo was focused on the stove, talking to someone on the phone. 

“¿Y tú confías en él? ¿Crees que él puede mantener su boca cerrada? (And you trust him? You think he can keep his mouth shut?)” Lalo spoke with a hushed voice. Even if your Spanish was perfect, you wouldn’t have been able to make out any of his words. He went to grab something from the counter when he saw you standing there, and his demeanor changed entirely. He was smiling, almost giddy to see you. “Oh! Hey! Sorry, I wasn’t looking at the clock. I didn’t even hear you come in. Go have a seat out front. I’m making something for you. It’s almost ready.” He turned back to his phone to finish his conversation with whoever. “Ya llegó. Te veré más tarde. (He just got here. I’ll see you later.)”

“Oh, thank you! What is it?” You asked as he hung up the phone, forgetting what a quick change in attitude you’d just seen from him.

“I promise you’ll love it. Now, go sit down, okay?” 

You nodded and went back to the front of house, pulling up a chair and sitting at a table with your back facing the kitchen. It wasn’t long before Lalo came up behind you, holding a plate and a cup of orange juice. 

“Here you go! I figured you’d need something to wake you up this early, yeah?” He set the dishes down in front of you before taking a seat at the other side of the table. The food looked and smelled great, but honestly he was the most delicious thing in your eyes. You shook that thought out of your head real quick, not wanting to fumble this new opportunity. 

“Thank you so much!” You took a bite, and groaned at how good it was. He smirked, clearly proud of himself. “Oh my god, that’s good. What is it?”

“Chilaquiles rojos. It’s a family recipe. I’ll have to show you how to make it one day.” He relaxed in his chair, watching you intently as you ate. You gazed back at him, your mouth watering for a whole other reason. His shirt was unbuttoned just a little too much, and you fixated on his chest. God, he was hot. So confident, so suave, so generous, and he can cook? You found yourself getting lost in him, which is why you didn’t notice he’d asked you a question. “Well?”

“Hm?” You snapped out of your daydream, nearly choking on the mouthful of mood. Oh god, I blew it, you thought.

But you didn’t. Lalo chuckled, “It’s good right? Can’t think about anything else?” You nodded before reaching for the glass of juice. You suddenly felt really, really thirsty. “No worries, chico. I understand. I was just telling you the plan for today.”

You hummed in affirmation, shifting your brain back into business mode as you swallowed, “Yeah, what’s up? Where do you want me?” 

“First things first, me and you are gonna take a ride,” He replied, “We’re gonna meet up with someone to discuss business, and then I’ll take you back here and we can get the day started. Sound good?”

You finished up the rest of your meal. “Yeah, sounds good! I’m excited to get started.” You answered with a cheery smile.

Lalo laughed again as he stood up from the table. “¡Muy bien! Let me just get these for you.” He grabbed your dishes and made his way to the kitchen. “We’re gonna head out once I get these cleaned up.” 

“Okay!” You answered, hoping you seemed like a dependable employee. 

Lalo quickly washed the dishes and made his way out to you, making sure to take off his apron and leave it on the counter. “Alright! Let’s go.” He placed his hand on your shoulder as he walked you outside to his car. He opened the passenger door for you, and you thanked him before settling in. “It’s gonna be a long drive, so just get comfortable, chiquito.” 

You nodded and buckled yourself in, trying not to seem flustered at his chivalry and the pet name he called you. It was like he made you dizzy. Come to think of it, you did feel a bit light-headed, actually. He got into the driver’s side and turned on the ignition. As you made your way onto the highway, you suddenly felt sleepy, even though your day just started. Huh, that’s weird, you thought, but paid it no mind. You figured you could use the extra rest anyway. You rested your head against the window, the sun starting to rise over Albuquerque as you drifted into sleep.

–

“Rise and shine, amigo! We’re here!” Lalo patted your shoulder to wake you up.

You were startled, not realizing you’d knocked out, but you weren’t scared. After all, Lalo was there to comfort you as you rejoined the waking world. You looked out the window and saw nothing. Not nothing interesting, but literal nothing, and no one. Nothing but desert as far as the eye could see. Where were you? That’s when it started to dawn on you that you were in a stranger’s car and he took you out to the middle of nowhere. Did he drug you? Is that why you fell asleep? Your eyes glazed over and your breath started to speed up as visions of your impending doom clouded your senses.

Lalo must have seen the panic in your eyes, his arm trailing down your back. He spoke with a gentle voice. “Cálmate. Está bien. (Calm down. It’s okay.) You’re okay. We’re just out here because it’s private, you know? It’s a competitive industry. Don’t want anyone listening in.”

It worked. You felt reassured, taking a deep breath to settle your nerves. Another car was pulling up, and Lalo laughed as he spotted it.

“There he is!” He said, pointing it out to you, “We’re gonna get out and say hello, okay?” He didn’t wait for you to answer, opening his door and stepping out, “Vámonos! (Let’s go!)”

You got out of the car just as the other parked across from you. A familiar face stepped out to greet you, and you were confused.

“Mr. Fring? What… what’s going on?”

“Hello. It’s good to see you again.” Gus smiled, nodding to Lalo before turning back to you, “I’ve been told that you were considering working under Lalo here, is that correct?” 

You stuttered, your mind racing about what you had gotten yourself into. “Y-yes, that’s correct. I… I came in yesterday asking about a job, and he hired me. Today’s my first day.”

Gus nodded, as if he knew all of this already. “Right, right. Lalo asked about you. I told him you were reliable and that you performed your duties exceptionally.”

Lalo finished his thought for him, “That’s why I wanted to take you out here to meet him. I told you he’s an associate of mine. He and my family work together as distributors for a larger organization.”

��Distributors?” You asked, still not sure how you were supposed to be handling this, or what the hell they were even talking about. You weren’t panicking, but you certainly didn’t feel at ease. 

Gus raised an eyebrow, his tone suddenly darker as he spoke directly to Lalo. “¿No le dijiste? (You didn’t tell him?)”

Lalo sighed, and placed his hands on your shoulders, bracing you for what he was about to say. His eyes pierced down into yours. He spoke calmly, but firmly. “Listen, chico. The business Mr. Fring and I are in is… under the table, so to speak. We trade things that people want, that they pay a lot of money for, but it’s all very secretive. If you want to work for me, I need to know that I can trust you. Understand?” 

That’s when it clicked. You just took a job with a fucking drug cartel.

And backing out would probably mean a bullet in your brain and your body left here for the coyotes.

Fuck it.

“I… I understand. You can trust me.” And with those words, you sealed your fate.

Lalo laughed and pulled you in for a hug, slapping you on the back as praise. “¡Muy bien! Alright! I knew I had a good feeling about you. You won’t regret it. Me and you? We’re gonna make a lot of money together. I promise.” 

You were trying not to combust when he wrapped his arms around you. He smelled so nice. His chest was so warm, so strong. You felt like he could squeeze you until you popped, and you couldn’t say that you’d hate it if he did. You could feel your face getting hot against him, and he felt it too.

Gus chimed in to praise you too. “Very good. I never had a doubt that you would be a good asset. Now, are we through here, Lalo?”

“Sí, sí, ya puedes irte (Yeah, yeah, you can leave),” Lalo replied playfully, “Voy a estar ocupado con éste aquí (I’m gonna be busy with this one here), ” He patted your back for emphasis.

“Very well,” Gus said, turning his attention to you once more, “Good luck in your new position. I hope to see you soon.” He left you with that notion of good will before stepping in his car and driving off, leaving you alone with your new boss, who seemed full of glee.

“Okay! That went well. Now, come on,” He led you back to the car and opened your door for you, “We got a lot to discuss when we get back. Don’t fall asleep on me again, alright?”

You giggled, though you still had no idea if you actually dozed off naturally. Plus, given the fact that he’s apparently involved with a drug cartel, it wouldn’t be that much of a reach for him to have slipped you something. He doesn’t seem like the type to do that, but then again, you never figured the owner of Los Pollos Hermanos to be in on this kind of shit either. Whatever, worrying was gonna do you no good right now, so you stepped into the car and let him take you back to the restaurant.

–

“I actually closed down for today,” Lalo said as he put the car in park and turned it off, “I wanted to make sure you had my full attention.” He made sure to lean in close and draw out those last two words.

Well, he certainly had yours. You figured he could tell how flustered he made you. You weren’t even trying to hide it at this point. He chuckled when he saw your cheeks begin to flush.

He walked you into the back entrance of El Michoacáno, the whole place seeming more sinister now that you knew it was probably a money laundering front. He spoke as he led you into the kitchen.

“Entonces (So), something you need to learn in this business is how to take orders, got it?” He didn’t wait for you to answer. You stood still in the kitchen and watched him pace back and forth as he talked, “It’s easy. Do what you’re told and don’t talk back. Since this is all new to you, you can ask questions if you need clarification, but that’s it. You don’t need to know all the ins and outs behind everything, okay?”

You nodded. 

Lalo pouted. He slowly sauntered over to you and tilted your chin up to stare into your eyes. “And I expect a verbal answer unless I tell you otherwise.”

You felt your brain short-circuit. He was absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt, fucking with you. You followed his instructions. “Yes… sir…” You weren’t sure what to call him now. His name felt too casual for a setting like this.

He cackled, still holding on to your chin. “Sir? ¡Qué formal! (How formal!) I didn’t tell you to call me that!” He smiled, leaning in close to whisper in your ear, “but I guess I’ll keep that in mind.”

You shuddered at the feeling of his breath against your sensitive skin, gasping and clinging on to him by his shirt. You needed something to keep you grounded, and he was the best thing you could think of. He snickered, backing off and letting go of you before he continued.

“Now, we’re gonna play a game together, you and me. Just to test how well you can follow orders. Don’t worry. It’ll be fun, I promise.” He slid his hands down to grip your hips. “You ready, chiquito?”

You swallowed, figuring you could guess what kind of “game” he had in mind. You answered softly, “Yes, uh… should I still call you sir?”

Lalo smirked and moved in to close the distance between you two. “If you want,” was the last thing to leave his lips before they touched yours.

You whined into the kiss, yanking him even tighter against you. He tasted so sickly sweet. He felt so strong, so stable, so comfortable, so intoxicating, so dominating. His hands trailed from your hips to your ass. You squeaked when he grabbed you, and you felt his lips curl into a smile before he pulled away. 

“Okay. First things first, take off those pants and hop up on the counter.” He ordered, his attitude firm and demanding, giving you no leeway to argue. It was like a switch had flipped within him and he truly was just ordering around an employee. 

“Ah… yes, sir.” You sighed, and did as you were told. You shimmied to the edge of the counter, legs spread and dangling over the side.

Lalo filled the space in between them, his hands caressing both your thighs. His mouth latched onto your neck, licking and sucking at your sensitive skin. He snuck in a few sharp bites, giggling when you yelped at each one. He trailed his way up to your underwear, savoring each face you made and your body’s every twitch as he worked. His hand pressed against your crotch and he froze. You panicked, realizing what would have stopped him. You idiot, why didn’t you think to tell him?

”You, uh… you don’t have anything down here, do you?” He asked, the slightest bit of uncertainty in his voice. It seemed like he wanted to tread carefully so as not to upset you.

“Ah… no, I… I’m trans,” You mumbled, fear surging through your veins. 

Lalo took no time to process it. “Oh, alright,” He slid his fingers past your underwear and pressed into you hard, ripping a loud moan from you, “I can work with that.” He kissed you hungrily, you moaning into his mouth as he devoured you. It was sloppy and rough, drool spilling out of your mouth, teeth clashing into each other. He backed off and pulled his fingers out of you, now soaked with desire, and put them into your mouth. Your eyes fluttered closed as you sucked them clean.

He withdrew his fingers from your mouth and tapped your cheek gently. “Mírame, chiquito (Look at me, little boy.),” You were greeted with the sight of him with a stern look on his face. “If you want to work for me, you will do exactly as I say. You follow my orders. You are mine to command. You are my plaything, and I can use you however I want. Is that understood?”

You were thrilled to be at his disposal. You wanted to submit to him. “Ah… yes, sir. I understand.”

“Say it, Lalo demanded, his hands gliding back down to your thighs and tugging your underwear off, “Repeat after me. My body. Belongs. To you, Lalo.”

Despite the heat building inside you, you repeated his words back cleanly, as if he was saying them through your own mouth. “My body. Belongs. To you, Lalo.” 

Lalo nodded in approval and gave you your next line. “My body is yours, Lalo. It’s your plaything. It’ll do whatever you want,” He gripped your thighs tight to punctuate his next command, “Say it.”

You whined before you said it back. The embarrassment in your speech was more noticeable this time around. “My body is yours, Lalo… It’s your plaything… It’ll do whatever you want.”

“It’ll do whatever I want,” Lalo muttered to himself. He shifted gears to praise you for your obedience, a proud smile on his face. “Good boy… Es verdad (That’s right)...” His voice trailed off as he focused on you. You were aching for him, and he knew it. He got off on having that power over you. He licked his lips as he took in the beauty in front of him: you, bottom half undressed, in his kitchen, ripe for the taking. “I’ll take care of you,” He said before slowly lowering himself onto his knees.

You wondered for a second what he meant by that, though you figured it out once your legs were on his shoulders. You started to squirm in anticipation. “Please, Lalo… Please…”

“Tan impaciente (So impatient)...” He cooed, rubbing your inner thigh. It was like he was trying to map out your figure, so soft, so pliable, a blank canvas for his works. He took a deep breath, a firm grasp of your hips, and he spoke bluntly. “Now. Don’t speak, just wait. ¿Comprendes? (Understand?)”

You fidgeted slightly, though his grip kept you from moving too much. You nodded to show you were listening.

“No words, no sounds, no movements, nothing. Not even a sigh.” Lalo’s voice held no kindness as he barked orders at you. “Not a single sound. I don’t want to hear you. You got that?” He glared at you waiting for your response. “Understand me, boy?”

You bit your lip and nodded frantically, desperate for his touch.

“There you go. That’s better.” Lalo took a moment to calm himself, and you, before he dove into your heat, his tongue expertly navigating through your folds. It was then you realized how soaked you were already, and he’d barely touched you yet.

You convulsed when he made contact. You were in shock, thinking you were done for, having already broken his instructions. He glanced up at you to make sure you were good before he continued. He seemed to be giving you the slightest bit of leeway, knowing you couldn’t possibly stop all of your reactions. You writhed and twitched underneath him, but he kept you steady. Your breath quickened, loud puffs of air coming out from your nose, practically chewing off your lip to keep it contained, but it wasn’t enough.

“Don’t.” Lalo scolded as he pulled away, his lips already coated in your essence, “Don’t you dare breathe like that. Keep. It. Down.” He locked eyes with you, waiting for your acknowledgement. 

You took a deep breath, nodded once more, and just like that he went back to work. Though this was supposed to be a lesson in discipline, he found himself enjoying it as much as you were. His eyes falling shut, his mouth humming against your cunt, letting the vibrations from his mouth travel through you, his mustache grazing your lips. The loudest sound in the room was the reverb from how wet you were. You paid it no mind. You had to relax. You were focusing on your breathing now… nice and easy… in and out… 

…and then he slipped a finger in.

You spasmed and your breath stopped short, but you were determined. You would not falter. As he curled into your g-spot, you bit your fingers to keep quiet. It worked, somewhat.

Lalo looked up at you and raised an eyebrow. “Well…?” He could tell you were struggling, “¿Qué pasa? (What’s wrong?) Tell me what’s on your mind, boy,” He asked mockingly as he slipped another finger inside. He loved seeing you try to fight the pleasure.

You could tell he was trying to trick you, but you remembered your duty. You shook your head and gave him a weak thumbs up. Lalo couldn’t help but chuckle at that. He knew you wanted to make him proud. He kept his eyes on you as he talked.

"There we go. That's right. Focus on me and you'll be fine. If you focus on me, you can hold it in. Just...a little...longer." His motions sped up to counteract his sickeningly sweet tone. He could tell you were about to break, but he wanted to lull you into security. You wouldn’t fail him now, would you?

His words kept you grounded. You looked for guidance in his eyes and you found it. You took another deep breath and thought to yourself: It’s okay. I can do this. You felt strong, capable, and confident…

…and then his lips were on your dick. And he started to suck. Hard.

You broke then and there. It was as if he was vacuuming your pride and composure right out of you. The hand that was keeping you quiet flew down to Lalo’s hair and grabbed it. Tears cascaded down your cheeks as you let it all out. You cried out for mercy, “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I’m sorry! I’m sorry, Lalo!”

Lalo stuttered for a second once you broke, but he quickly found his rhythm again. He smirked and gazed up at you in awe and pride. He’d known that it was only a matter of time before you snapped. You couldn’t possibly resist for too long; he wouldn’t have let you.

You kept wailing as he pushed you closer and closer to the edge. His cheeks hollowing out to suck you off, his fingers pressing into that perfect spot, it was all too much. You wailed pathetically as you approached the cliff. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I can’t! I can’t! Too…! Much…! I’m…! Fuck! Lalooo!” 

His name was the last sound to leave your lips before you climaxed. With both hands on his head, you pushed him down into you as you squirted into his mouth. You felt him wince for a second, but he gladly slurped you up. Your legs quivered from the overstimulation. You were a sloppy mess, and it was all his doing. 

When he was done, Lalo took your legs off his shoulders and stood up. He was staring down at you, brow furrowed, a bright fire burning in his eyes. His face and shirt were soaking wet. He was panting heavily, and he looked ready to strike. 

You trembled in fear beneath him. You were a helpless little bunny face to face with the big bad wolf. Your voice cracked as you begged for leniency. “I’m sorry, Lalo. I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it. I’m sorry.” You chanted your apology over and over, pleading for him to take pity on you.

Lalo caressed your cheek, but there was no warmth in his touch. He looked at you in disappointment and pity. He was taking in the sight of you: weak and subject to his will. His next words cut you like glass, “Stand up.”

You sniffled as you lowered yourself onto the floor, too afraid to look him in the eye, your own orgasm dripping down your legs as you stood. The feeling of dread was unbearable, but you dared not ask any questions.

“Look at me,” Lalo said forcefully. He tilted your face up to his, leaving you nowhere to hide, your eyes overflowing with shame. In that moment, he saw you for what you were: a cute, helpless little boy, eager to please him at your own expense. You were his bitch, and he spoke to you as such. “Turn around and bend over.”

“Y-yes… sir…” you sobbed quietly before presenting yourself to him as requested. 

Lalo positioned himself behind you, his firm hand grabbing your ass, and he leaned over to whisper in your ear. “Since I can’t teach you obedience, I guess I’ll just have to teach you discipline.” 

Smack.

You squealed on impact, the painful shock quickly fizzing away into a delightful sting. He rubbed your reddened skin to soothe it before spanking you again.

“You know…” Smack. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to keep it in…” Smack. “I just wanted to see how you’d try…” Smack. “...and take your punishment like a man.” Smack. Smack. Smack.

You whined after each successive hit, your pained cries gradually morphing into moans of ecstasy. Your legs buckled, upper body slumped over on the counter, still spiraling from your orgasm, you were desperate. “Please… Lalo… I need… please…”

Lalo shushed you, his tone gentle and nurturing once more. His breath was hot on your ear as he spoke. “Not yet, conejito (little bunny).” Smack. “Say thank you.”

“Th… Thank-” Smack. “ngh!...Thank you, Lalo!”

“Thank you for what?” Lalo asked, punctuating his question with another slap. “Come on, what are you thanking me for?”

“Thank you for… teaching me a lesson…” 

“Good boy! ¡Bien hecho! (Good job!)” Lalo ruffled your hair as he stood up. His other hand traced its fingers up and down your wet slit, “Tan mojado (So wet)…” he hissed, “Te vas a sentir tan bueno alrededor de mi verga (You’re going to feel so good around my cock)...”

“Huh…?” You mumbled. You hadn’t the slightest idea what he said, but it sounded like a compliment.

“Oh, sorry, muñequito (little doll). I was just talking to myself.” He purred, taking his hands off you to undo his belt. When you heard the clinking of the buckle, you whined and tried to grind your hips into him. Lalo was quick to shut you down. “No, no. None of that. I’m in control here, remember? I can do what I want with you. This goes at my pace, not yours.”

You pouted and buried your face in your arms against the countertop. It certainly felt like he was taking his time. Eventually, you heard a zipper, some clothing rustling around, and then you felt him press against you. He stopped short, leaving you wanting. You turned around to see him with a sly grin on his face.

“Say please.”

You were in no mood to talk back. “Please, Lalo, please… I… I need it…”

“What do you need?” he asked, his words dripping with mockery.

Any shame you had before was long gone, and in its place was insatiable desire. “I need… I need you to fuck me… please Lalo…”

“Aw, so cute,” Lalo praised you and ruffled your hair once more. “It’s alright, nene (baby). I got you.” He took hold of your hips and pushed in slowly, savoring the feeling of filling you up.

Your moan echoed throughout the kitchen. Your body shuddered as his cock stretched you open. He felt huge. He had just gotten started, and you were already shivering against the counter.

“Qué chingón… es más apretado de lo que yo pensé… (Holy shit… it’s tighter than I thought…)” Lalo grunted. You were squeezing him so tightly, he was nearly out of breath by the time he bottomed out. He took a moment to adjust before he patted your thigh, “Hey, you alright down there? Cause I’m doing great.”

“Y-yeah, I’m… I’m good,” You whimpered, “just…” and pressed your hips back against him, “please…”

Lalo chuckled and kissed your cheek before running his fingers through your hair. “So needy…” He pulled out of you agonizingly slowly, and then slammed his hips into you hard. You cried out, and he pulled you back into him by your hair, “Such a needy little boy…” He purred in your ear as he set a ruthless pace, fucking you roughly into the counter.

You were grateful he wasn’t making you keep quiet now, otherwise you’d have no chance. Your tongue was hanging out of your mouth, your eyes glazed over, and every noise you made was primal. You couldn’t think about anything else. Hell, you couldn’t even think. All that mattered right now was Lalo and how good he was making you feel.

Lalo felt the same way, but he could maintain at least some composure. For one thing, he could still speak, “That’s it, sweetheart. Just like that. Dios mío, you see what you do to me? If I knew you had a cunt like this, I would’ve taken you the moment I laid eyes on you. So fucking good.” He snarled in your ear, your hair clenched in his fist as he pumped into you like a toy. You felt his other hand begin to rub your dick, and you shrieked. He didn’t even acknowledge your reaction; he showed no signs of stopping. “Y qué mojado, también. Me mojaste todo. Nunca había visto algo como eso en mi puta vida. Tan sucio. Qué niño tan sucio. Voy a hacer que lo hagas otra vez. (And so wet, too. You got me all soaked. I’ve never seen anything like it in my damn life. So dirty. Such a dirty boy. I’m gonna make you do it again.)” 

You didn’t understand a single word in either language. Words were above you right now. You felt like an animal. The only thing on your mind was that deep, carnal instinct you were chasing. Lalo was there to guide you to it. You could feel your cock twitch in his hand. It wasn’t long now. Within your garbled mess of nothing syllables, one clear entity stood out:

“Ngh… gah… hah… La…lo… Lalo…”

Lalo’s face was beaming. He wore it like a badge of honor, how he could reduce you down to a pathetic, brainless animal. You were his beast to tame, and the beast was almost slain. “Come on, chico, you can do it. Let me feel it. I wanna feel you cum for me.”

He didn’t have to wait long until the thread snapped. Your back arched, your hole tightened around him, and your exhausted vocal cords let out one final cry of pleasure as your release splashed against his thighs. 

Lalo cackled when he felt it. “Ha! I knew I’d get you to do it again. But now…” He wasn’t far behind either. His rhythm started to get sloppy, and he used his grip on your hair to pull you back into him. His tone darkened into a menacing growl, “Now it’s my turn.” He rutted into you with all the fury and energy he could muster. He finished with a deep, rich groan, his cock buried inside you up to the hilt, his body shuddering as he painted your insides white. You were still reeling from your climax, gurgling and twitching as you felt his warmth flood you. 

He didn’t pull out when he was done. Instead, he let go of your hair, but not before excitedly petting it like you were a dog. Two strong arms pulled you tight against his chest, and he gave you an affectionate smooch on your cheek. He sighed in bliss, probably with a goofy smile on his face, and broke the silence with a voice as sweet as honey.

“I’m gonna love working with you.”

[boyinafandom]

YOU

Part 1

Song of this installment

Yes I’m bringing this 2020 banger back SHHHH

This is technically an au

In this au there are:

•Toby, still has Tourette's, although barely mentioned when in his pov because he's used to it and tunes it out now

•he still has his canon mental illnesses don’t worry

•he has no cheek scar-he has a lot of freckles though, that he covered in the first story with makeup, because it’s an easy thing to identify him with.

•his family isn’t dead, he’s just fucking crazy or sum idk (this is subject to change though? When i find lore, because in most cases psychopathy is made from child abuse-although it is believed that it may be genetically passed so…)

•reader is trans ftm (read part one for like context in there transition) not apart of the au but im TIRED AND SICK OF THE STRAIGHT FEMALE Y/N WE NEED MORE TRANS REP

TRIGGER WARNINGS

•kidnapping

•implied that someone (and everyone) Y/N knows and works with is now dead

• torture 

•manipulation

•MOMMM TOBYS BEING A MINDLESS HEARTLESS CRAZED FREAK AGAIN

Summary

It’s been about a three years since the whole “clock em over the the head and tie him up in your basement” incident, you thought it was over.

You were sorely mistaken.

______________________

Y/N’S pov

I changed jobs, moved away,changed my name for the 6th time in my life time(while only being 27). Started over. AGAIN. Because I’m incapable of keeping the creeps away.

.

.

.

I don’t know why I didn’t kill him like I did the others.

You know, usually, when the restraining order doesn’t work, instead of telling the police, you take matters into your own hands,but he’s slippery, more then I thought, he got away, how could I have let this happen, now look at me?

Locked in a basement, and cold, uncomfortably dry basement, waiting for who I can only assume to be the man I thought I so blissfully got away from (and almost managed to kill) a few years back.

And now that I say all this. You must be deeply confused, so allow me to explain.

______

September 4th 2024

12:34 AM

It’s freezing, and my makeup is starting to come off, thankfully I brought my mask. Why is this place still going on this late anyway? I mean, I get wanting a good midnight scare, (I work as a scare acter now) but it’s a freezing September night, the only people who are showing up are drunk…and..shit..someone is coming, ok- got to get into position

I borrow myself into the corn field..and wait

…

…

…

AND SUDDENLY I LEAP OUT AT THEM WITH A SCREAM

Dowsing them in fake blood and landing on top of them…I was not meant to land on them…shit..

I hear an audible groan

“Oh shit I’m sorry man! That was not meant to happen-“

“Naw man it’s fine-“

He sounds vaguely familiar,but who doesn’t,right?

I get off him, and he starts to get up

Shit I wasn’t supposed to break character, I then feel my alarm go off in my pocket..

My shift ended?? Then what is this guy doing here?

He smiles at me a wide..sharp toothed smile..

“What’s the alarm for?”

“My shift ended, it’s close time. What are you doing this far out?if I may ask?”

“You may, and I got here about an hour ago. I made it this far out because I…don’t actually know..?”

He does a full 360* turn and looks heavily confused, like he knew what he signed up for, but doesn’t know how he got where he is now.

“You uh..want me to walk you back?”

His neck jerks and he says a fast yes, clicking his tongue and stuttering

“You uh..good?”

Either he’s a tweaker he has tics, please god don’t be a fucking tweaker.

“So..why’d you come out this late?”

I say, since he completely ignored my question

“Hm..? Oh uh-? Just felt bored”

His hand jerks

It’s hard to see in the heavy lack of light. If it wasn’t for the moon shining over us, I wouldn’t even be able to tell if he was a man or woman,but…he reeks of copper..

Copper..

“So..you work here? Or do you volunteer??”

He asks

“I uh…work here..also sorry, this walk will take a minute, this is the end of the scare trail after all”

I say with a chuckle

He looks at me

“What’s funny?”

“Hm?”

“You laughed, so what’s funny?”

I start to feel a prickle up my spine at the sudden change in demeanor,cold running up and down my body.

“Oh um..nothing sorry, just trying to break the tension that’s all..”

___

At some point after light conversation we end up back on the well lit trail…and then I see his face. He’s covered in freckles, and fake blood and he has a..large scar on his eyebrow..

Odd

I cut rogers when I tried to get rid of him for good

Whatever

We keep waking and then I smell something, it reeks of copper and cigarette smoke, Jaden usually smelled like cigarette smoke..

It starts to click

I walk over to the source of the smell..

Then I see it, this blobbed red thing..

“Hey uh..I realized i never got your name”

The guy says

“Where did you get that scar..?”

I say without turning around, peering into the ditch trying to see if my suspicions were correct

“You.”

And then then I feel him, his hands on my face. a wet rag over my mouth and nose, I try to hold my breath and fight but I quickly start to lose air..and then I breath it in..and lose consciousness…

_____

And that kids,is how I got locked in this creeps basement…

Fuck I hope Charles ok…

Shh..I can hear movement upstairs

______

TOBY’S POV

This is GREAT. I finally get to see you again-mostly because you were to dumb to recognize me, shame really, I thought you loved me tiger.

We’re in love! So how did you not recognize me????it’s fine I suppose, I already killed the bitch you replaced me with. I mean seriously??? A bleach blonde twink??? I am so much better than him.

So

Much

Better.

As I make my way down stares,to you,I kind of realize-that you,mhm you tiger-probably don’t recognize me. It’s a shame, you didn’t see to recognize me when we saw each other again.

I hope you didn’t forget about me.

I slowly creak the entrance to you’re sell (that I made just for you! By HAND, because I truly care about your comfort) and there you are, immediately on alert, jerking about in your seat, thrashing about.

“Your only gonna make it tighter,tiger, I’ll untie you soon, you just have to stop struggling and relax”

You stop,surprisingly, and try to find the source of my voice.

“MFGHH!! MFH MOH”

You bark at me, to bad your mouth is gagged, I’d love to hear what you have to say.

“Hm? What was that?”

I mutter with a smirk, walking over to my table, and picking up my flaying knife

You hear the metal clink, I hear the scared whine you make.

“You’re about to be in a lot of pain tiger. Too bad you deserve it.”

You start to cry. But you didn’t comfort me when I cried…because you weren’t there.

“Stop crying, it’s gonna get a lot worse,Y/N.”

I pull the cloth out of your mouth, and you immediately go silent, like a whine or even scream is born and killed in your throat, maybe you think your silence with get you off easy, but it won’t. So don’t bother.

“Don’t bother struggling.”

I stab into your top of you’re left thigh, bluntly and brutally, and you cry harder, screaming so loud your voice breaks.

“Mhm. Let me hear you pretty boy.”

I pull it a little farther out and watch the blood gush out of your thigh, you’re screaming and crying, not begging though.

“It doesn’t matter how loud you scream, no one can hear you, this place is sound proofed.”

You stop screaming, and then huff something out, it’s so quiet I can almost barely hear it like it’s taking up all of your strength.

“Yknow…you’re a pretty good actor….”

I can’t help but not laugh, I mean complementing me? Really? That’s not gonna get you out of this.

“Why are you laughing? What’s funny?”

You mutter

I quirked an eyebrow

“Oh nothing…”

I rake the blade into your thigh one more time, this time you only jerk your spine in response.

Now I’m never letting you go.

____

I KNOW I SAID I WOULDNT MAKE A PART TWO BUT HERE IT IS. Eat up smucks:3

Also sorry that I’ve haven’t post a fic of any kind in like a month in a half, life likes to rake its nails down my back while licking my ear lobe lol

[a-big-mess-of-a-person]

Ive been in such a depressed fucking state lately. I'm bored of everything. Nothing I do makes me feel better. I'm bored. Everything I love doing feels like a waste of energy and time and I get bored quickly. The things I do normally when I'm bored aren't working right now. Not even scrolling through Tumblr dot com is helping right now.

I like listening to the rain though. It requires no effort or thought. Listening to the raging storm that's just outside my window. That's nice.

I just want something to hook my interest. Something to make me want more. Something to make me feel like I'm actually enjoying my day and not just wasting it away scrolling through endless streams of content, posted by people just out there doing their best.

Everything feels like too much energy. Everything is boring, uninteresting and meaningless. I just want to feel some semblance of joy right now. Why is life so miserable.

No. Its not Life. I know it's not Life's fault I feel this way. It hit me right after I typed the period on that sentence. I know I cant blame Life. Life didn't do anything wrong, it's not fair for me to blame it. Sorry Life, I didn't mean to take my annoyance out on you. I know you want what's best for me. I know you want what's best for me and I'm upset I can't find it within me to do those things.

Great now I've personified Life. I think I want to be friends with Life, if I'm being honest. Seems like a pretty chill thing. I've now decided that my new friend Life uses it/its/thing pronouns. Life doesn't really have a need for gender or sex really.

I mean. Nothing really needs sex or gender. Plenty of organisms out there can reproduce asexually. So do we really need sex and gender? Yeah it makes the process more convenient and interesting, but do we actually need it? Idk I'm not a biologist. Just a guy who's really fucking bored and depressed.

Oh hey, that's the first time I've referred to myself as a "guy". That's nice.

I think that's nice because I'm pretty sure I'm transgender (ftm) and I just haven't accepted myself yet. Like, I have the capacity to understand that I share many feelings and tendencies with trans guys, but I feel like there's some part of my brain that is still in denial and not accepting of myself. Idk, the little voice in my head who plans out all my sentences as I type them said "I'm just a guy" and it felt nice to hear that... in my own head....

How many voices do you have in your head? I have 3. I can't necessarily prove it, but please just trust me on this, I've spent a lot of time thinking about it.

Theres the voice that is my inner monologue, it just is saying things all the time. I don't control what it thinks. I think. That voice, I call it the upper voice, just thought of that sentence. Then it contradicted itself as I thought "well isn't that voice just me? That's the primary voice. That's just me, right?" And so now im confused. Ok. I do not consciously choose what that voice says. It's the voice that tells the other voice (the middle voice I call it) what to think.

The middle voice is what I tell myself to think. The upper voice thinks out a sentence for it to say and it does that. They can speak at the same time. They do speak at the same time most of the time. I consciously choose what that voice says. I can tell them a part because they feel different when they speak and I can consciously think one thing with the middle voice, and still hear the upper voice narration.

Then there's the front voice. It doesn't speak all the time, just occasionally. It is the voice that says all the things I notice. Like, it is what tells my eyes where to look if upper or middle don't. I'm not completely sure if it exists, but it has a very particular feeling when it does speak. And when it speaks I can't hear it like I can with the others, I just know it's speaking. Nothing can control what front voice says. I can't, upper can't, and middle certainly cannot. I seriously don't even know if it does exist. It's like a kid at school who you know is there, people talk about them, you hear people talking to them in the halls, but you have never had a conversation with them. You know the name, but you don't actually know who they are. It's weird. Front voice is like a presence that I know is there, but I just can't hear or control. Sometimes I wonder if it's just a different part of my brain hiding itself from my conscious mind. The brain can do that. Your brain can repress traumatic experiences so it doesn't affect you. It's like there's a wall between middle and upper voice, and front voice. It's weird.

Sorry. This entire thing is weird. I don't even know what I'm trying to get at. I think I'm just trying to distract myself. I'm so bored. I am so miserable.

Ok I'm really tired. I'm gonna add some stupid tags to this and go to bed.

Nighty night

[fierceawakening]

2/? It seems like most of the female people I know these days are nonbinary; if engaging with them the way they prefer stopped taking mental effort to walk on eggshells that would be better for everyone. As it is, I just... I feel like I'm staring at the naked Emperor, and if I breathe one word of his nakedness in the wrong situation I'll get excommunicated from the "queer" community. And when I do manage to find someone to talk to in private, they either agree that yes [CONT'D]

That's fair! It took me a long time to figure out what I thought nonbinary was, and longer than that to consider whether applying it to me made sense. I can tell you what this process is/was like for me, if it's helpful.

I knew since I was very young that I was Different from Other Girls. I had a similar body (albeit a disabled one), and my understanding was that people with that body are called "girls" and referred to with "she," so I never really went through a period of thinking these didn't apply to me.

I also did not go through thinking I was a boy.

What I did go through? Was wondering a lot of the time if I "should've been" or "was supposed to be" a boy.

I tried to talk myself out of these feelings, as adults of both genders I knew about kept telling me "girls can do anything."

But the one thing they DIDN'T seem to consider a part of "anything" was "have penetrative sex as the top," and they certainly didn't explain to me that there are ways "Female" "shes" can do this, or that some people like it.

So I resigned myself to the idea that I was a girl, that there's no "should have been" it made any sense to feel, and that it just meant that where most people grew up to want to have sex, I would grow up to NOT want to have sex, because I'd always have to do it wrong.

That, or I would reach this "puberty" thing people kept talking about, and everything I was wondering about would magically invert and I'd become Correct and stop asking myself this stuff.

Now it could have been I was just a butch lesbian, but again... I didn't have context for what that was! I knew, vaguely, that some girls date girls and some boys date boys and it's less common but valid, and I did kind of wonder if that would make it better, and told a few people I thought I'd be a lesbian, as it was the only thing I could make parse at all.

When it became clear in my adolescence that I crushed hard on girls but ALSO (a bit less intensely but it was definitely there too) on boys, this was a bit of a scary revelation. And do what with them? How? I wanted SOMETHING, but I couldn't tell what that was unless, again, I imagined myself in a male body, whether topping a female or a male or some imaginary combination. (Yes, please.)

I knew "FTM transsexuals" existed, but I didn't know that I was one of those. I talked to them, and made friends with many, and am still glad to be friends with many (hi guys, love you!) but... they seemed to really like not just the idea of their bodies becoming less alien to them, but the idea of BEING BOYS. Which seemed to me like, okay, I'd have the right body for sex and that would be lovely, but then the rest of the time I'd have a body that wasn't at all like a girl, when "girl" was what I was... mostly... except for this... THING.... oh god I'm so weird, I'm just a freak.

Fast forward to college. I took a gender studies course, trying to figure out what the fuck was up with me (and made the disastrous assumption "gender therapy" meant you tell a mental health professional that you suspect you might be trans, and they gently and without judgment talked you through what your life might be like if you transitioned vs if you didn't, and helped you to come to an authentic decision and then supported you in it. All I got was "do you hate your period? No? Then you're cis. Bye.")

A really fucked up thing happened. I now think of it as, well, really fucked up. But there was a section in our textbook talking about sex differences and what they were, and why they're not the same thing as gender differences, and in it was a photo of the naked body of a person with CAH--a masculinized female body, including bottom growth.

I now feel very weird I ever saw that, and apologize profusely to whoever that was that someone took photos of her(?) body.

But I had a lightbulb moment. My mind went, "if that was my body, I wouldn't feel weird any more."

Which led me to: okay, I DO have sex dysphoria. I wasn't making that up or parroting words I'd heard trans guys say or something. But I didn't have it quite in the way that they had it. I had it in a way that felt like "I belong somewhere in the middle. I'd be happiest like that, but am afraid I'd be bashed if I was like that and openly so."

Why do I have this feeling? I do not know. I just know that when I pretend it isn't there because it's weird and silly, it doesn't go away. I just feel like the same person I was a moment ago, just now I'm weird and silly.

Some butches seem to describe similar feelings. I lurked in those communities a lot and still do sometimes. But I wasn't a lesbian, I was bisexual. People seemed to be very weird about caring a lot about that bit, so I didn't dare delurk.

But it did seem to me that the gay community was actually *much* more about people who felt weird in their bodies or gender role than "gay people just like people with the same body" described.

Now do I know for sure testosterone would help? No, as I haven't tried it--but I do know that the feeling I am calling dysphoria intensifies horribly if I take any birth control pill stronger than the weakest on the market, which seems to confirm to me that there's a level of estrogen that feels wrong, and leads me to want to find out if a higher level of testosterone would feel "right."

(If it didn't? I'd toss it.)

What frightened me all my life was that people never seemed to talk much about in-between feelings. if you confessed to them you were proving you were cis. and if they were sexual? Hoo boy, you're just messed up.

Now people talk about feeling like being in the middle much more openly, and they call that non-binary. So... why not use that word? Especially when there isn't this weird "did you ever enjoy sexual contact with someone who was male? Or were you going through fundamentally unpleasant motions in every way all the time?"

Which I can't answer as "because I felt uncomfortable in my body and role, it was all completely awful." I did feel off and weird, but I didn't completely lack enjoyment, and I certainly enjoyed seeing my partner's pleasure and knowing that being with me caused that.

So there you go.

[afairywithacrown]

My favorite LGBTQ+ headcanons

haikyuu edition / karasuno

disclaimer: They are headcanons, please relax. If you don’t agree it isn’t really my problem so please keep it to yourself.

Hinata: pansexual vibes honestly.

He is the type of person who thinks everyone feels that way. He thought people were attracted to people and that was it, no gay or lesbian or straight.

It wasn’t until Yachi was talking about it that he realized he was pansexual and just stayed like that and continue to live his life.

Kageyama: “I like Hinata”. Gay just doesn’t know yet.

His gay awakening was Hinata but couldn’t really explain why he felt all fuzzy inside.

He is the type of gay that picked his crush only because people around him seemed to have one.

Tsukishima thought it was the most obvious thing so when he pointed out he was genuinely surprised to see he had no idea of what he was talking about “you figure it out”.

Asahi: Unlabeled, they/he pronouns. Probably demisexual too

Baby is just vibing. Doesn’t care about labels and isn’t interested in finding out, they are just waiting for the right person to come.

Hopeless romantic too.

Asahi uses they/he pronouns because i say so.

Daichi: Bi. 100% bisexual

Look at me in the fucking eyes and tell me this man isn’t a bisexual.

His first romantic partner was a girl, but later on he found himself crushing on a boy in his class so you can guess how conflicted he felt.

Suga was the one to solve his questions. “You can like both genders, Daichi. That doesn’t mean you are cheating on your girlfriend”

Suga: Pan, uses any pronouns.

Just vibing too.

“You are such a girl” ok

Feels specially happy when people use they/them pronouns.

Crushes easily too.

Noya: Gayyyyy

Now listen to me. He likes kiyoko, ok? But is mostly platonic.

Tanaka knows this so everything is pretty chill with them.

I feel he felt pretty ashamed at first because of his sexuality so he did everything in his power to convence others he likes girls, hopefully he could convince himself too.

Then he told Tanaka how he really felt, poor boy was in the verge of tears and tanaka was like “oh you are gay? that’s cool man”

Tanaka: Bicurious.

I don’t think he is straight tbh. He is discovering his sexuality.

Is completely ok with kissing a dude and if he is being honest, he kinda likes it.

I don’t see him getting into a relationship with a guy but i do think he is sexually attracted to them. Just like a thought in the back of his head.

Yams: Bisexual and ftm

Has a weak spot for blonds.

Baby wants a beard sooooo bad. The testosterone shots won’t give him much facial hair and it upsets him a bit.

At first he thought he was genderfluid, but then he realized there was something wrong. He didn’t like himself.

Tsukishima went on this journey with him, gives him his shots and bought him his first binder.

Tsukishima: gAY

Has the best gaydar too.

He was never confused about his sexuality either, his family was really accepting and never questioned if he liked girls, he just didn’t.

Girls crush on him all the time, right? well at first he is pretty gentle about it and rejects them softly (?. But if they insist he would bluntly say “Im gay” and leave.

Kiyoko: Lesbian (fight me, honestly)

In a universe where she and Tanaka don’t end up together is because she is a lesbian.

Kiyoko was very confused about her sexuality at first. Because she heard liking girls being a girl was wrong and in high school she learned how much lesbians were hyper-sexualized.

She has learned to love herself slowly and accept that the blue prince wasn’t in her path.

Yachi: Bisexual with a preference for girls. Genderfluid.

She had a big fat crush on Yamaguchi for a while but she always comes back to Kiyoko.

“I don’t like girls what are you talking about” *sweats*

Discovered her sexuality in middle school and reaffirmed it in high school.

Their gender on the other side took a while. She liked when people referred to them as he so at first she thought he was trans. Then non-binary.

Then, as an adult she learned the term genderfluid and was like “omg that’s me”

All rights reserved © 2022 afairywithacrown. Please do not repost, modify or claim as yours.

[horikou]

hey bestie i'm here w/ a reqs >:3

so could the reader be ftm, pronouns of he/him plz! genre fluff/crack, and could the plot be how each of the blue period characters would take you out on a date? headcanaons please! have a great day hun, love ya! <3

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐓

pairing : various blue period characters x male reader (ftm)

summary : just a headcanon where you dating our beloved blue period characters

type : fluff / headcanon

warnings : smoking, dysphoria

note : OKAY SO!! i didnt read the "take you on date" so this headcanon is more of general dating headcanon aaa, im so sorry!! this might not turn out that good because im not experienced on writing ftm reader, so this might be more of a male reader but i tried my best albsosjs so i hope you like it zeph ! this might be a bit ooc since i havent rewatched bp for a pretty long time hshshs </3 (new: this is very old and its very shitty im so sorry)

YATORA YAGUCHI

very very sweet boyfriend.

if you had problems with your grades or a subject you dont understand, he will helped you with it.

boy, he is smart, im jealous.

anyway, he never really told you about what he always do on very early morning, but you somehow find out.

you would scold him for smoking, and he would apologise by hugging you or a peck on your cheek.

" im sorry [name] i promise i wouldn't do that again, pls don't tell my mom " yatora said as he peck your cheek.

a comforting boyfriend.

everytime you feel sad or dysphoric, he will be there for you, cuddling you, maybe even watch movie or something.

comfort kisses all over your face.

he will not push you to tell him what makes you felt this way.

" it's okay [name], im here with you now. "

he has a whole sketchbook full of drawings of you.

he was scared when you found this book and will think that he's creepy, but it seems like you loved the drawings so much, he was glad that you liked it — instead of being creeped out.

RYUJI AYUKAWA

(im gonna use they/them pronouns for yuka, since yuka is genderqueer based on lgbt characters wikia)

you both always there for each other.

when you felt dysphoric, they will be there to comfort you.

when yuka feel sad (mainly because of their family problems) you will be there for them.

both of you are kind of similiar in some way.

and that makes you guys closer.

you guys understand each other feelings so well.

shopping date with yuka !

when you guys on a date, you two will mostly go shopping.

yuka will choose your clothes and you will choose their clothes.

" [name] ! try this one out ! "

yuka taste on clothes are so good you cant change my mind.

yuka has an instagram account (over 120K folls if i could remember) and there are many posts of theirs that has you in it, mostly selfies while on date.

yuka has an instagram story highlight dedicated for you only.

their grandma loves you so much.

she sometimes asked you — when you are visiting yuka — some questions that mostly flutter you.

she also sometimes saying that she can't wait to see you and yuka married.

" when are you two will get married ? "

" i can't wait to see yuka marrying you, a handsome young man, in the future. "

i got doraemon stan by me 2 flashback aaaa—

HARUKA HASHIDA

strange but lovely guy.

you probably met in an art museum or tokyo art institute.

dates mostly eating/buy drinks first at a cafe or restaurant, and then went to an art museum or somewhere calm.

you know that he has a weird fetish on art, but you thought that its unique.

hashida definitely hiding something in him, like how he express his arts, you know that there is something going on with him.

you always ask if he's alright and he will said like,

" im okay, no need to worry about me, [name] "

and laugh it off.

i havent read the manga yet but im sure there is something going on with this dude.

whenever you feel dysphoric or sad, he will let you talk about it and listen to you, if he can, give an advice or comfort talks.

if you dont want to talk about it, its fine to him.

he looks like a cuddly guy to me.

he probably will went to you from behind without you knowing and just hug you out of nowhere to scare you.

" ah, sorry love, didn't mean to scare you like that~ "

he knows what he just did.

teasing you like alot.

he let you braid or do his hair, he likes it when your hand caressing his hair, its comforting.

YOTASUKE TAKAHASHI

first week when you guys started dating is kinda awkward.

he is pretty shy, but also kind of blunt.

he often says things from his head without explaining the other what he meant.

he is scared if he accidentally said something that doesnt sounds like what he meant to you.

he is scared to accidentally hurt your feelings :(

he is pretty bad at showing his feelings, and you understand.

he mostly shows affection by holding hands or hugs.

he is still shy about kissing you.

when you felt dysphoric or sad, he panicked.

he is bad at comforting and he doesnt know what to do.

he ended up just hold your hands the whole time while either you talk about what happen or cry out your feelings.

" im sorry if i am.. bad at comforting you, i will do better next time "

doesnt really enjoy pda, but holding hands are okay for him.

its hard for him to say " i love you ", so he will caressing your hand with his thumb — while holding hands — three times, meaning that he loves you and he is there for you.

his mother is very sweet to you.

she sees you like her child (or in law).

him and his mom often talks about you on dinner.

mostly saying things like,

" isn't he the perfect guy. "

" im glad that he and you are doing well with your relationship "

" he is such a gentleman is he? "

and my man yotasuke right here, just nod with a red blushing face.

MAKI KUNAWA

shes very sweet and caring.

if you feel sad or dysphoric, she will give you a lot affection.

like, hugs, kisses, comfort talks, and she also gives you some foods.

" let it all out [name], its okay "

lunch dates!

everytime its lunch time, you two will meet at a spot and have lunch just the two of you.

she often share foods with you.

she is pretty emotional and lack of self confidence in her abilities because her sister.

you are one of those people that maki feel comfortable to when she talks about her life.

you compliments her a lot from her arts, or things that she did.

your compliments always made her days better.

i love her sm ksbsks i want to hug her so bad.

© HORIKOU ✦ do not copy, repost, or modify my works.

[soulariarym]

Hey I know that people in the community disagree on if Jason Voorhees would be ace but if you’re comfortable writing it could I request a Jason Voorhees x trans man reader oneshot (the Charles Lee ray was great it’s so rare to find good ftm readers)

Just very sweet and gentle Jason blindfolding the reader so he can take off his mask and eat them out all with the reader being a gentle dom leading him and instructing him

Love your work though and totally get if you personally hc him as asexual and don’t want to write it. <3

I personally think he just doesn’t care for it. It’s not that he wouldn’t do it, he just never thinks or just generally cares about it. But if his partner wants to he will. Might not be the best cause he never looks into it but hey that’s perfect for this one-shot. And ty, much love <3

Jason // Trans Man // Soft Dom 

Word count: 1.9K

Summary: You and your boyfriend decide to share forever sweet, loving memories under the moonlight.

   The moonlight could be seen reflecting on the lake, as the sound of crickets could be heard accompanying the beautiful moonlight. 

You stared at the lake, watching as the midnight stars reflected on the water. The thought of your significant other was on your mind. You missed him, he’s been gone for a while now. You just wanted to see him again. 

You figured tonight would be your guy’s special night to let him experience his first time. The night was perfect for it, were the stars always shining this bright? Or was it.. Even the sky knew it was time. 

You guys have been dating for almost a year now, sharing sweet, romantic moments together. All of it was amazing but as much as you loved it you yearned for something more.  You were always too nervous to bring it up to him, being he never talked about it. 

You never ever wanna make him uncomfortable. That’d be the last thing you wanna do. As much as you tried to avoid the subject it kept popping up in your mind. Spending long nights thinking about how it would feel if he touched you, licked you, it was almost too much to keep bottles in. You needed to let him know how you felt. And tonight was the night. 

You watched as the lake moved around with each echo of the forest, The sudden crunching of leaves could be heard behind you. 

“Hello?” you called out, not looking back, and not getting a response.

“Hello? If someone is trying to mess with me I swear to fuck-” as you stood up you were interrupted by warm touch of your boyfriend hugging you from behind. 

He let you go as you turned around to look at him, him staring at you as you did this. 

“Hi hun” you said, failing to hold back your smile. You were very happy to see him again, you worried for him. Afterall he is a murderer and anything could happen to him at any giving moment.

You took a deep breath, giving him a tight hug as you swung side to side lightly. “Geez where have you been? I've been so worried about you and I've missed you so much you don’t even know”

You felt him hug you back, hearing a quiet sigh come from his mask. “You can explain yourself later, for now I just wanna spend time with you” he nodded, softly releasing you once again. 

You looked to your side, wanting to bring up what you’ve been thinking about. You felt that nervous feeling crawl up your chest, feeling butterflies fly around. “U-uh hun there’s something I wanted to ask you”

Jason looked at you, staring at you as he waited for you to speak.

“Well I was wondering…maybe could we uh- y'know- make love under the moonlight? You of course don’t have to! Please tell me if you’re uncomfortable I'll shut up and-” you were cut off by Jason holding your face in his hand, caressing your cheek softly. 

You felt your face heat up. You watched as he nodded at you. You swear if he wasn’t wearing a mask you’d see him smiling.

You stared up at him as you spoke “well I was wondering maybe if you could eat me out? J-just to go easy for tonight! We can worry about other stuff later” you couldn't help but feel embarrassed, it was embarrassing to even talk about in the first place.

He nodded once again, pausing to look at you as he picked you up, placing your legs on either side of him. 

You blushed realizing what was about to happen. You watched with wide eyes as you were placed under him. 

He slowly ripped a piece of your shirt off, caressing the skin that was showing. Once he had the part of your shirt he held it up to you. You instantly knew what he wanted, you've never seen his face before so it wouldn't be any different today.

You nodded as he softly tied the piece of cloth around your eyes, not tying it too tight or too loose but just right.

After he put the blindfold on you could feel him slipping off your pants, you blushed a bright red as you felt him pull down your boxers next, now being revealed to him.

You heard a heavy groan come from him as the sound of him lifting his mask up could be heard.

Jason put his head by your core, licking in an upwards motion once, causing you to let out a soft moan. “Ah~ just like that” 

He continued doing what you said, licking upwards and downwards, swirling his tongue around. 

“I ah~ please go up a little~ only if you w-want-” he did as told, doing that same circling motion on your sensitive bud. You moaned louder, throwing your head back in pure lust. 

“J-jason it feels so good please don’t ever stop” you cried out louder, sure he hasn’t done this before but it seems he’s a fast learner. You felt your core throb, your heartbeat pumping with every move he made on your core. 

“P-please tongue fuck me, a little lower” He once again listened, fucking you in and out with his tounge. You couldn't take it anymore, it’s been so long since you've been touched in this way. Oh did it feel great being touched this way again. 

You felt a knot building up in your stomach, tears forming in the corners of your eyes.

Jason grabbed your legs, pulling you closer with no effort as he went deeper inside you with his tongue, hitting your spot. 

You moaned loudly, practically screaming his name. It felt so good you might explode. The way he did it so perfectly had you gripping the grass to stay in reality. 

“J-jason I’m gonna c- ah~ please!~” you couldn’t keep in your moans, letting all your words and nonsense babbles of praise fall out. 

 All it took was a few more movements of his tongue to have you cumming in his mouth, on his face. You took deep breaths as you rested one of your hands on your face, covering your eyes from the aftershocks. 

Jason licked all your seed off his face as he put his mask back on, grabbing your hand and softly removing the blindfold from you. He looked at you, caressing your lips softly with his thumb. 

You smiled at him, closing your eyes and putting your head back again. Jason let you lay there for a moment before he started cleaning you off with your blindfold, softly caressing your thighs. 

You hummed in response letting him do so. Once he was done you looked at him before speaking “I love you so much” Jason looked at you, picking you up and tracing a heart on your cheek. That let you know he loved you too. 

He began carrying you, probably where he stayed to snuggle you close. The sound of the crickets chirping, wind blowing could be heard behind you. Feeling the wind tickle your face, inviting you to rest.

[local-trashmouth]

Henry making love to you and you're all soft but then you say you want kids and now bow (yes I call him bow lol) has the idea of getting you pregnant in his mind and kinda snaps and gets a bit feral or he extra soft 🥺🥺 whatever you like I just had this idea lol (feel free to write this for the gang as well, separate ofc)

note: not directly female cause 'm ftm so like gn reader please <3

headcanons ?

AAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE YOU

LITERALLY THIS HAD ME SCREAMING (altho I didnt rlly know how to write this because I hate kids xD)

I'm not sure if you meant have kids in sense of the natural way, or adopt a child (although that interferes with the impregnation thought of the bois) so I just wrote both variants

(also if this isn't what you wanted, pls send another ask. If that's the case im very sorry ;-;)

Warnings: mention of sex, impregnation, Patrick is a warning himself lol

Pairing: Henry Bowers x reader, Patrick Hockstetter x reader (I thought this fits him too)

Henry Bowers

Having a child naturally

since you said that, he can't concentrate on anything but the thoughts of building a future with you

he definetly goes soft on you, practically melting into putty

just you telling him that you want kids with him gives him butterflies

although he's worrying about being a horrible dad like Butch

you have to reassure him, telling him that he'll be the total opposite

heck even in school he can't think about anything else other than moving out of Derry with you and building a Family

he'll totally get you there, I mean, when you two can provide for a Family of course

he doesn't want to have children at a time where he can't give them the best possible life he has to offer

fight me on this, but he totally wants girls

so they have your beauty and heart, and he really just wants to do their hair

but when one of them or both turn out to identify differently he'll support them despite his views (same with the son/s)

if you end up having a son, or multiple he'll totally be that cool dad

taking them to shooting lessons and spending a lot of time with them

adopting a child

again, he wants to wait until you two can provide for it

he's gonna try his best to be a good parent, better than the previous ones at least

he'll probably take his kids into the woods too, make campfires with them while letting you put your head onto his shoulder

you just adore watching him bloom like that

if they ever ask about being adopted, he wouldn't be closed off about it

he totally takes you and the kids to Derry for holidays to brag to Butch about his success, and will 100% rub it into the boys' faces aswell

he really wants the kids to get along with the guys, they're his closest friends after all

Patrick Hockstetter

Having a child naturally

he totally goes feral when you say that

look, he won't be the best dad there is

and it's not even really his fault

which sometimes upsets you, and he gets it

but he's trying okay

he'll make a lot of shitty dad jokes

very very very overprotective over his kids

now there isn't just one real Person to him, but a whole family

HIS family

like, how did he get here?

it often overwhelms him

but he knows he can find that security he needs with you

so everything's good in the end

he really doesn't have a preference for the gender, and he will seem like he doesn't care about his kids

but he truly does, and it shows in other things than affection

for example, he will not hesitate to defend his kid, no matter if they are in the wrong or not

he'll also attend therapy which is a big step to a better future :)

when he's alone with you he opens up about his worries of not being able to give them the things they need/want because of his lack of empathy

so u better reassure ur fireboi

adopting a child

he lets you "choose"

the first months will be rough, and there will be a lot of small fights between you two

because Patrick never imagined to be in this kind of commitment

he hopes the kid gets into knives and other weapons, cuz boi will he fanboy about the one's he still has from being younger

he wants to stay in Derry, he just likes this town somehow

maybe its because he can get away with his killing

talking about that, he'll stop it

just for you and the kid of course

so you better feel special

[gayaristocrat]

Lupercalia (Nicholas Scratch X FtM Witch Reader 3/4)

Pairing: Nickolas Scratch x FtM! Reader Words: 1.1k+ Summary: Final ritual of Lupercalia, and it seems the the red riding hood is hunting the wolf. Notes: I have decided to continue this series because this story is in my Kinkmas 2020 Writing Challenge List and I decided to continue it. Also, I hope I don't give anybody dysphoria or anything, if I do then I deeply apologies. Also I hope there are no spelling errors or grammatical errors, if there are any, then please dm/inbox me and let me know what I need to fix.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

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After going to the Valentine’s Day dance at Baxter High, let’s just say it was very eventful. Long story short Nick and I ran into Amalia, his werewolf familiar, in the library at Baxter. Nick attempted to temporarily banished her successfully, and when she came back for him in the woods, he had no choice but to kill her. He was pretty emotionally destroyed about the whole situation, but he managed to cope with his loss and grieve her. I was there for him through every step, and once he was able to heal we had to continue the Lupercalia ritual.

“After the hunt, all I can say is poor Melvin doesn’t know what’s in store for him” Agatha says with a sinful chuckle as she pulls up her black stockings. Prudence laughs at the though of how pitiful she thought Melvin was before she contributed to Agatha’s degradation. I take glances at them as I clip together my own maroon cape and red stockings all while listening in on their conversation. “Can you imagine? A virgin, at his age? You’ll be gentle to him won’t you sister?” She questions to Agatha. “And afterwards Prudence, we’ll share him. It’s been a while since we’ve had a virgin.” They shiver with anticipation as they imagine dominating the poor boy.

“Sorry to crush your hopes sisters, but unfortunately for you I initiated Melvin the night of the Courting.” Dorcas chimes in with an ‘matter-of-fact’ tone. Prudence and Agatha question her on why she didn’t stay abstinent as required, but then again they should have known she was gonna go in for the kill. Dorcas asked if Prudence stayed abatement, but like she always says, “A girl doesn’t kiss and tell”

All three of them put their capes on as they head to the doors of the dormitory. Now you may be wondering why I’m in the girls dorm room. Well, since 99% of the guys in the boys dorm room have unbelievable toxic masculinity I didn’t feel comfortable being around them. So I was allowed to switch and stay with the girls, which they welcomed me with open arms, and since then, they played a part in helping me during my dysphoric breakdowns. Also, staying with the girls also allows me to be closer to my sister, Sabrina.

The trio turn to me and tease me about spending the night with Nick. “ Poor y/n, this is your first time spending the night with someone huh?” Dorcas says in a fake pitiful tone. Prudence chimes in after her, “You better prepare yourself because Nick can be a wild animal, and I know from personal experience when he was in an orgy with me~” she slyly says in an attempt to make me jealous.

“Honestly I don’t care how many people Nick slept with. That was way before we were ever in a relationship. Him sleeping around in the past is his business and has nothing to do with me.” I say as I stand my ground. Nick has been loyal to me since the beginning of our relationship, so whatever he did back then won’t make me jealous because I know for a fact I’m secure with him. I love the Weird Sisters with all of my heart, but sometimes they really get on my nerves when they do shit like this.

Prudence smirks in defeat and lets out a sigh. “Anyways..are you coming y/n?” She says. “In a minute-“ I respond pausing to look at myself in the mirror to make sure I look okay before I continue, “I still need to take my berries of phylaxis, then I will be ready to go”

—————-Later That Night————

The witches and the warlocks are gathered back in the woods. Everyone is radiating high levels of hormonal energy, the girls lusting after the boys and vice versa. The full moon is out, cascading us below it, illuminating our surroundings with a healthy light blue glow. Ambrose once again is leading everyone through the last ceremony of the ritual.

“Welcome to the final night of Lupercalia!” He shouts with authority as he stands on the dark mahogany wooden platform, as he speaks, you could see his breath in the cold air. “The hoods hunt wolves, witches hunt warlocks, and the outcome of the hunt shall determine the year ahead. Will it be bountiful or barren? Fruitful or fallow?” He says adding suspense. “Wolves are you ready!?” The warlocks howl in response to him before he blows the horn and send them on their way, running through the woods. Ambrose pauses for a few seconds to let the howling and energetic boys get a head start, then turns to our remaining group. “And hoods, are you ready!?” The girls and I also howl in response, causing him to blow the horn again signaling is to chase after the guys.

The girls and I start running into the dark foggy woods to chase after the boys, bobbing and weaving through the trees as we desperately try and catch our prey. Pools of red capes billowed behind as we ran through the woods, speeding up to the shouting grey furs. Once the hoods caught up to the boys, they pounced on their backs, some rolling around on the ground and falling on each other. I searched all around trying to find Nick as quick as I can and pounce on him to claim him as mine before anybody else tries to get to him before I do. I searched for him all around, but all I could see were witches pinning their claimed warlocks on the ground and on the trees.

More screaming echoes through the woods and the thrill heightened our senses as if this was a game of cat and mouse, in this case, hoods and wolves.

As I attempt to avoid hitting trees and rocks, I see Dorcas caught up to me, running along side me as she chases after Nick too. “Find someone else y/n, I don’t care who it is, or what the ritual said. I. Want. Nick.”

“Look Dorcas-“ I say trying to reason with here, but still paying attention to where I’m running. “-Stop trying to go after my boyfriend and just go be with Melvin!”

“Oh and also, you might want to watch where your running before you trip on something” But of course, she didn’t head my warning and refused to pay attention, which in turn made her trip over a rock and fall flat on her face.

I keep moving and ignore her failed attempts of calling my name for help to distract me. As I keep going I see what looks like a familiar bulky silhouette, dodging the trees left and right and trying not to bump into other people. I feel my feet automatically pick up speed as I get closer and closer to him, then I finally pounce on him, making us roll on the ground for a minute before we stop.

After a while I finally manage to pin him down on the soft grassy ground with a tight grip on his wrists as both of our chest heave up and down to catch our breath. Nick and I lock eyes as a smirk creep up onto his face before we both leaned in for a intimate kiss.

“Looks like little red riding hood caught the big bad wolf this time~”

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Finish the fic? Leave a like and comment if you enjoyed it. Also, give it a reblog too!

[fly-flower-fanfics]

Can you do a Spencer Reid X Reader where the Reader is ftm and binds with ace bandages? The unsub can be targeting transgender people and targets the reader. Nothing too bad to the reader preferably but something happens to make the bandages visable. I know that binding with bandages is bad because I did it until I got a binder.

Sorry this took me so long. I’ve been out of it lately, so this is my first writing piece getting back into the swing of things, so I’m sorry if it’s bad. I hope this is something you were looking for!

Binding Secrets

Spencer Reid x Trans Male Reader

Warnings: ACE bandage binding. PLEASE don’t bind like this. 🥺

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This case was really stressful to me. It stressed me out more than other cases usually did. I’m sure the team has picked up on it, but I didn’t want to tell them why I was so stressed out. That was my secret and my secret alone.

There was no way I was going to be able to come out to the team. After I’ve gotten top surgery, then maybe, maybe, but certainly not now. Being transgender was a crime, it felt like. It was to this unsub apparently.

It was late and time for all of us to go home. The I could take these stupid ACE bandages off. I felt like my lungs were collapsing; it hurt to breathe. I knew that it wasn’t safe, especially for a job like mine where we have to be on the move a decent amount, but I hadn’t gotten around to buying a binder yet.

I was stopped by Spencer just before I got into my car, though. Part of me didn’t mind because I had a crush on the genius, but another part of me did mind because I was tired, and I just wanted to go home.

“What’s up, Spence?” I asked.

He hesitated a moment, shifting his weight uncomfortably from foot to foot. “I’m worried about you,” he said softly at first. He then cleared his throat. “You’ve been acting different lately, and I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” I said with a soft smile. Was I? 

“Y/N, I can tell when you’re lying to me. You have a tell, just like everyone else. Please...”

I felt bad lying to him, But I couldn’t tell him. My throat tightened like I was going to cry. “I need you to drop it, Spence,” I said softly

“Why? Why won’t you talk to me?”

“Because I can’t, Spencer!” 

He shook his head, dropping his arms by his side. “This is exactly what I get when I trust someone; it gets thrown back in my face.”

“Spencer, that’s not what this fucking is!” I yelled at him, tears now streaming down my cheeks.

Spencer’s demeanor changed completely as he noticed my tears.

“It has nothing to do with you, Spencer,” I said, wiping at my face aggressively. I hated that I was crying so easily. But I knew it was because of my stress and how close I was to snapping. 

Truth was was that I was scared. I was scared that I would be the next victim. That I wouldn’t be safe in my own home. All because I was trans and some guy out there thought that that was a crime and needed to kill me for it.

“Y/N....”

I shook my head, holding up a hand. “Save it. I’m sorry for yelling at you. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go home now.” With that, I got into my car and left.

The next day, I was really anxious to see Spencer. I had already apologized for yelling at him, but that didn’t change the fact that I had yelled at him.

I went to the bathroom and grabbed my ACE bandage, looking at it sadly. I hated that stupid thing. I could feel it practically squishing my ribs and lungs. I hated it so much. I couldn’t just not wear it though. I didn’t need the team seeing my chest.

I began wrapping it around and secured it in place once I was finished. I took a breath and sighed. At least it wasn’t too bad in the beginning of the day.

I made my way to my car and began to drive to work. The anxiety of seeing Spencer returned. I felt bad. Maybe I should apologize again. I pulled into my parking spot and shook my head. No, if he still had beef with me, he would say so, right?

I walked to my desk and set my things down, going to grab a coffee. As I made it, I was already making a face because I knew how bad;y it would taste.

“You know, I have to make my coffee deliberately bad so I can drink it now,” I said to Morgan, who has just walked in. 

He laughed. “I know what you mean. However, I still like a good cup of joe.”

I chuckled softly and went back to my desk, looking over the case file. We had a pretty good idea who the unsub was. We had just been waiting on Garcia to get the right information about him. 

The team quickly left, leaving Spencer and me behind, as they went to catch the unsub.

My gaze turned toward the genius again. His hair looked soft as it framed his face. His beautiful eyes intently read whatever book he was reading. His perfect hands turned the pages every couple of seconds. 

Best not to disturb him.

I looked over the last bits of information as I was clearing off the board to make a little bit more room when I realized something. The gate. How had we missed that? The gates were his signature, doors to whatever he thought. I couldn’t figure out that part. But it made me realize that now, the team was going after the wrong guy.

I quickly grabbed my coat and ran out to my car. I had to catch this guy before he caught someone else. I swallowed hard as I threw my car into gear. Who else would be better bait for this guy than a trans man like myself?

I made my wait to the gate that was in the last picture and entered the abandoned house. This was where the last victim was found, but we had figured that he liked to revisit the crime scenes. I was just banking on the fact that he hadn’t revisited this one since it had been blocked off for a couple of days.

I drew my gun and tip-toed quietly through the halls. A squeaky floorboard gave away my position, and I froze. Had he heard? Was he even here? I shook my head and continued down the hallway.

I heard a noise from behind me. I turned, but I wasn’t able to see what or who it was before something hit me in the face and knocked me out.

I woke up, dazed and confused. I tried to move but realized that my arms were tied behind me and I was stuck to a pole. I jerked to try and free myself, but it was useless.

The unsub walked over to me, twirling a knife around his fingers. “Y/N L/N, I am familiar with you. The only trans member in the BAU, isn’t that right?” 

I sneered at him, still trying to free myself. “So the fuck what? How do you even know who I am?”

“Oh, I know a lot more than you may think,” he said, walking up to me and lifting my chin with the knife. “But that’s all surprise for later on.” 

He slashed at the sleeve of my coat with his knife. “First, we play a game. It’s called Tell Me The Truth Or I’ll Take One Article Of Clothing At A Time.”

“Long title of a stupid ass game,” I muttered to myself, mentally cringing. Sometimes I hated that I was always so snippy.

He slashed at the other sleeve of my coat. “Got a mouth on you, don’t you?”

His stupid little game continued as I tried my best to keep my mouth shut. But it seemed like no matter what I did, he was slashing at my clothing. There was no sign of sexual assault on the victims, but did he do this to all of them? Somehow, I couldn’t seem to remember anything about this unsub.

My knees shook as fear began to take over my body. What would happen when he shredded my clothing to the point that there was nothing left of them? Would he go to my skin next? One of the victims was all slashed up, I think. I shook my head, trying to keep m mind clear. I needed to be safe long enough for someone to find me.

A hand around my neck made me look up and realize the unsub was behind me now, holding the knife to my neck. My eyes fell to a person standing at the base of the stairs: Spencer Reid. My heart filled with joy. Thank god for Spencer and his big brain.

“Put the gun down or I’ll kill her,” the unsub said, pressing the knife deeper into my throat.

I winced, but at the misgendering, not the knife. 

“He’s a he,” Spencer replied, holding his gun in the same position as he was five seconds ago. 

“I said, put the damn gun away!” 

The knife bit my skin, causing me to cry out. This made Spencer put his gun away. 

“All right, all right, look. The gun’s away. It’s away. Let him go.”

“I’m not letting her go. People like her need to be fixed. They’re mentally ill.”

My stomach tightened at the midgenderment. It sucked because he was going to tell Spencer my secret. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out everything that was happening. Things would be okay. They had to be okay. I had to believe that. I had to believe that I’d make it out of here. I prayed Spencer wouldn’t tell the rest of the team my secret. 

All I ever wanted was to be seen as a real boy...

The next thing I knew, my hands were being untied and there was a slight ringing in my ears. I looked down next to me to see the unsub, dead. Spencer must have been able to convince him to get far enough away from me for him to draw his gun and shoot the guy before either one of us got stabbed.

“Y/N, are you all right?” I nodded, and Spencer pulled me into a hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay. We’ll get you new clothing. Do you want to come to my house?”

I guess it was obvious to Spencer that I didn’t want to be alone. I nodded silently and he led me out to his car. “We’ll come back for yours later,” he promised me. 

At this point, I didn’t really care. My head hurt from being knocked out, and my chest was aching all over again.

Our car ride was mostly silent, but Spencer spoke up. “How did you know it was him?”

“The gate,” I replied. “Something about the gates never lined up in my head. But then it reminded me of why he always kept the eyes open. They were like portals. To what, I’m not sure...”

Spencer nodded and hesitated before speaking again. “You’re binding unsafely...”

I didn’t know what he was talking about until i looked down. My shirt was shredded, and it was easy to see the ACE bandages that was supposed to be hidden. I cursed myself, squeezing my eyes shut. 

“Please don’t tell anyone, Spence. I don’t want them to know I-I didn’t want anyone to know...”

“Is that why this case bothered you so much?”

I didn’t say anything, but my silence was probably the clearest answer. Spencer didn’t say anything else until we got to his house. He led me inside and sat me down on the couch. 

“I can grab you some clothing to borrow for tonight, but I need you to take that bandage off. You’re going to ruin your changes for top surgery. It can seriously hurt you. it can crack or break ribs and-” 

“I know, Spencer,” I said softly. “But I can’t. I’m scared...”

“My shirt’s will be big enough on you. I promise. And if you want, I’ll stay in my room all night so I won’t see you without it on. You...” He stopped a moment. He closed his eyes for a second before looking at me again. “You can borrow one of my old binders tomorrow. It may not fit perfectly, but it’s so much better than that bandage.” Spencer sat next to me on the couch.

I couldn’t believe my ears. Spencer....Spencer had just come out to me as trans. I couldn’t believe it. He was trans this whole time too? My emotions welled up in my chest, and I felt like crying all over again.

“I love you,” I blurted out. Immediately, I felt myself blush, and I regretted my words.

Spencer only smiled at me. “I love you; I always have.”

I looked down at my lap, feeling a tear drip down my cheek. “Spence, I’m scared... I-I love you. But I’m so scared...”

“Of what?”

“Of what the team will say. That...that you’ll hate me for being trans...”

“Y/N, I can’t hate you for being trans when I’m trans myself.” Spencer took my hands in his. “If you want to leave the confessions alone for tonight, I understand. You’ve been though a lot. We can talk more in the morning when you have a clearer mind. Just promise me you’ll take that ACE bandage off.”

“I promise,” I said quietly. 

Spencer stood and pressed a light kiss onto my forehead. “Thank you. Now let me go grab you those clothing so you can turn in for the night. I’ll be here if you need anything at all.” He got up and began to walk down the hallway to his bedroom.

“Spencer?” I called out.

He stopped and looked back at me from the doorway. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[jojosbizarreblog]

Crusaders headcanon where their partner came out as trans / non binary and their stands respond before they can (I find it so adorable when for example star platinum shows Joots reactions but stronger, he’s more emotional at heart)

(Yossssss. I live for the interpretations of Stands where they have some sort personality wether it be their pw or from their user’s emotions. I included Joseph in this platonically because we stan a supportive grandpa, even though his stand is a bunch of vines.)

(P. S. I tried to leave this as vague as possible so people can interpret it how they want! Whether if they’re coming out as FtM, MtF, non-binary, etc)

(P. P. S. To all my trans/non-binary/queer friends out there, I love you very much!)

Crusaders’ Stands’ reactions to reader coming out

Jotaro/Star Platinum

You guys were resting in a hotel room, you cuddling Star Platinum and Jotaro reading a book by the window.

It was in this quiet moment when you decided to to tell him of the secret you’ve been harboring.

“Hey Jotaro?”

“Hm?’

“I have something to tell you. It’s...”

He didn’t react after you told him, only tilting his head slightly and turning back to his book.

“Alright. Thank you.”

The only reaction came from Star Platinum as he kissed your temple and cuddled you tighter.

The changes are subtle, but Star starts hanging around you more. More touchy and more affectionate.

Kakyoin/Hierophant Green

You two were relaxing at a small table, the other Crusaders all off doing their own little stuff.

He shows slightly more emotion than Jotaro as you tell him everyone does tbh

A small smile as he sips on his drink. A thoughtful hum acknowledging that he heard you.

“Thank you for telling me this. I appreciate it.”

Something wound your ankle underneath the table.

It was Hierophant Green as the Stand crept from Kakyoin and wound underneath you jacket.

Hierophant wraps itself around you and hugs you tightly, making sure that you feel appreciated.

Avdol/Magician’s Red

Avdol’s seen the signs and he suspected it, but he wanted to hear the words coming from your own mouth.

You two were relaxing in bed as he reads a book by Magician’s Red’s fire.

He had an arm holding you close to him, you using it as a pillow.

“I’m honored that you trust me enough to tell me. Just tell me your preferred pronouns and I’ll make sure to keep it in mind. No matter what, you’re still the (y/n) I know and nothing can change my love for you.”

Magician’s Red left Avdol’s side to come over to yours, crooning softly as it nuzzled up against you.

The Stand ended up hugging you, worming itself into bed and sandwiching you between the two of them.

“It seems like Magician’s Red agrees too.”

Polnareff/Silver Chariot

You might have to explain some stuff for him, he’s just a little bit confused but he’s willing to learn for you. 

Don’t take it the wrong way, he still loves you very much. Just tell him the basics and the pronouns that you’d like to use.

Silver Chariot’s also cutely confused, tilting his head like puppy as it listens to you explaining stuff to his user.

It approaches you and takes your face in its hands, squishing you cheeks softly before pressing its forehead to yours.

Even though it can’t speak, it’ll show its support through its actions.

You can bet that Polnareff takes you clothes-shopping for new outfits, Silver Chariot trying to pick stuff it thinks you’d like.

Some of the clothing are questionably colored, but it’s trying.

Joseph/Purple Hermit

“Your next words are--!”

His grandpa senses were tingling. Or it was Purple Hermit’s senses really.

He gives his full support to you from the get go. But please remember to tell him some info, poor old man just doesn’t question anything until he realizes it’s too late.

With the new knowledge of your gender, Joseph will pull you aside and ask if you want a separate room whenever they book a hotel.

If you tell him that you might want surgery on something, he’ll offer to pay for it.

[alexlabhont]

I didn’t mean to fall in love with you

Chapter eleven

Book: Queen B - Choices (Universe)

Pairing:  Poppy Min-Sinclair x Trans!Male MC (Beck Hughes)

Genre: Canon re-write (Because I can)

Rating: Anyone can read it, really

Tags: @dopeyouth @theymakemegayer @save-me-the-last-dance @poppysmc (If anyone want to be tagged in or removed, just tell me)

This is me trying to write by and for the Trans community, specially FTM community, meaning, trans guys, but I actually took the liberty to use They/them pronouns for everyone out there who´s interested (Also, the name Beck was the most neutral one I could find, trying to use the cannon Bea Hughes)

If you have any comment, PLEASE BE RESPECTFULL and patient with me. This is also my first english fanfic and english is not my mother language, so… i’m sorry fo the grammar errors. I also installed recently Grammary, so… hope its worth it.

This chapter contains some sensitive topics about tragedies and sex insinuations, I really didn't want to write it down with details both out of respect. I mean, personally, I didn't want to explain what's "under" in a fanfic, but if you do have doubts or curiosity, ask away in chat, especially if you are starting hormones, there is a lot for you to know about down there because it definitely changes something. Also, this other topic might touch a nerve and I really didn't do it without respect to the victims, so I'm sorry if it feels like that.

Previously

----

Staten Island it’s the third-largest borough in New York, but it is the least populated. The northern part of the island is the most urbanized, with some areas of somewhat decayed housing blocks that didn’t attract attention at all. It was… ok? quiet? She wasn’t sure exactly what to say about that place, but what was another thing she wasn’t sure about? Well...

“Are you not going to tell me what are we doing?” Poppy asked once again, feeling irritated as they both walked through the breeze but warm streets. At first, she thought they were taking the bus but Beck asked something to a random guy and started walking for a really, really long time, what was all this about? Beck looked tense, kind of nervous, and that alone made her feel strange, unnerved. "Are you alright?" Poppy asked again, but this time she sounded worried.

"Yeah, I'm just…" They exhaled in an attempt to draw their nerves away from themself. "I'm pretty nervous. I've never done this before." Beck chuckled.

"Do what?" Poppy frowned, curiosity floating in her mind strongly, to be honest, she had never seen them so tense before, even though they were trying to look calm. Beck smirked and took her by the hand.

"Come on, I have to show you something."

"Is it too far?"

"Are you already tired?" Beck replied, mocking her with that sassy smile of theirs.

"Me? Absolutely no." She said, raising an eyebrow. "I could literally go for miles."

"I'll have to prove that myself." Beck winked and she couldn't help but laugh.

"You're a dimwit."

"Yeah" they shrugged. "I'm cute, though.”

“Barely.” She rolled her eyes, trying to suppress a smile but failing in the process so Beck laughed at it. Suddenly an unexpected drop felt swiftly in her nose, making her look up to the sky where a big, grey cloud was still above their heads. Soon, she felt raindrops in her hair, her clothes, her shoes!

“Oh, shoot. This is not good…” Beck said while they both walked faster, reaching out for cover in a shop awning.

“You think? These Jimmy choo are not even in the market yet!”

“Well, we don’t want them to be ruined, don’t we?."

"Of course not! What kind of dumb ques—"

Poppy didn't get to end the sentence, Beck took her by the wrist and started running full speed and nonstop. "Beck!" She screamed, the rain pouring down her body while that asshole laughed like a devilish kid. "Beck Hughes, let go of me this instant!!"

"We're almost there!" She heard them saying without turning to see her.

"Where are you taking me?!"

Beck slowed down little by little until they both stopped in front of a tiny, old, yellow house with barely two floors. Beck took the keys out of their pockets and opened the door, allowing Poppy to get inside the dark and quiet place.

“So… here we are.” Beck spoked turning on the lights.

The place that received them was the living room, but it was not an ordinary living room, it had neon lights currently exposing a purple color, a keyboard piano, a couple of guitars, and an old-fashioned mended couch with a lot of patches over black leather that actually looked really well together. The walls were exhibiting posters, framed cool landscape black and white photographs, and a Youtube silver plaque. She recognized the place right away.

“Wait… this is the place where you record your music.” She asked. Poppy watched Beck’s videos a lot recently at first the blonde was searching for information, then, to find a flaw to criticize with Chloe, but sooner rather than later Poppy found out… Beck was actually a really good musician, so sometimes when she was completely sure she was alone she’d listen to their songs while doing cardio or homework or whatever she was doing. “I was wondering where you found the location.”

“Yes… but also no. I mean, I do the videos here, but I have an audio booth upstairs. It’s actually a quiet neighborhood so it came in handy.” Beck took off their jacket, reaching out their hand to ask for Poppy’s. They both were wet, but not a lot, her shoes survived perfectly because they entered the house before a loud thunder sounded, followed by a deluge. “Damn, we do really dodge a bullet out there.”

“Yeah.” Poppy said, hugging herself. Without her coat, she felt a little cold. “Do you own this place?”

"No, this is my uncle’s." Beck whispered with reverence and a sad smile on their face. "My dad's little brother. He passed away."

"I— I'm sorry, Beck…" she managed to say, clueless about what exactly would someone do in this kind of situation.

"I didn't remember much about him, but my mom says he used to make these guitars out of plastic bottles as gifts for me to play them. She said I would go to the kitchen and play one for her to hear. She also said the sound was awful and she begged him to stop making them." Beck's smile was soft, turning on the heating, proud even though they were chuckling a little, spreading the same smile to Poppy. " 'I'm telling you, this little pal has talent.' he would say."

"Sounds to me like he made it to annoy your mom instead." Poppy said jokingly.

"Totally, he was a prankster." Beck replied, the emotions coming out from their eyes were difficult to tell. "And was one of the few dudes back at Farmsville that didn't want to settle down. The black sheep in every family… and the reason why my parents didn't want me to be here." Beck clutched their jaw, walking away from there to the kitchen. Poppy followed them in silence, feeling like it was something very private for Beck, seeing that vulnerable side of them again, but not hiding this time. "He was murdered years ago here in New York in a shooting. In Farmsville shootings don’t happen, so… They said it was dangerous going out of the farm to the big cities. That he brought this on himself... Took this out of the wrong way." The anger in Beck's voice was palpable in the air.

"Seriously? How can they be so selfish?" Poppy asked, how can someone be so fucking self-centered and dumbass to take a tragedy and blame it on one family member? She thought these things happened exclusively around that bunch of tight-ass people inside her parents’ social circle, but not inside a family farm.

"Back at home is different from here. Is a small town where everyone knows each other. They love routine and hard work and the good customs and shit… So when anyone goes against it… well— it's not funny."

Something clicked inside Poppy's mind.

"But then… How are you here?" Beck smiled but it didn't reach out to their sad eyes.

"Because I almost got killed."

Shock. Poppy couldn't help but feel agitated, her heart pounding loud against her chest and that same protective feeling that almost made her stab Bennett crawled its way towards her own core.

"What?" Poppy babbled, froze. Beck shrugged, with a weird grin as if they didn't know where to start, they caressed their neck, searching for the better way to put the puzzle together. They reach out for Poppy's hand, and she took it right away intertwining her fingers with Beck's.

"Coffee?" They asked. "It seems we will be stuck in here for a while.”

"It sounds nice." The words abandoned her mouth so fast that she even surprised herself, another red alarm ringed inside her mind, but now was not the time, so she ignored it again. Beck smiled and turned on a little coffee maker, bringing two mugs in silence. They both sat down on the surprisingly comfortable couch, Beck’s eyes were attentive at the black drink and the tension was still over their shoulders, she could see it so easily that Poppy wished for someone to take that weight out of Beck, so she took both cups and put them aside, sitting over Beck’s lap and intertwining her fingers with theirs, playing with them. Beck smiled a little and took a deep breath.

"I started to realize something was off inside of me when I was in high school. I mean, ‘till that day I was considered normal. I was the kind of child that played sports, climbed trees, and did hard work gladly. You know, average farm kid." Beck said, but even as they seemed to be calm, Poppy could feel the sweat in their palm, and a little shivering all over their body. "But I grow older and changes came, and puberty and—"

"Hey" Poppy stopped them from talking faster and faster. "You don't have to"

"I want to. " Beck interrupted, begging Poppy with their eyes. "I want you to know my past. I mean… if you want me to tell you, that is."

Poppy could have thought anything at that moment. She could have thought that she made it, that she had accomplished her very goal and knew she was about to have first-hand information to use against Farmsville, that she was spectacular for making it this far. She could have thought that now nobody would take her number one spot from her, or that she loved to have a new puppy to use in any way she wanted. But no.

All in what she could think about was Beck's heart opening up to her, trusting her for real this time. The connection intertwining both of them in a way that made her skin chill. Third alarm, but she muted it again.

"So? What are you waiting for? Go on." Poppy rolled her eyes, Beck had a goofy expression for a couple of seconds until Poppy smiled, squishing slightly their hands for reassurance. Beck's eyes glowed happily in which was the cutest gesture Poppy saw from someone that wasn't a dog in her entire life.

"I managed to handle myself a little for a while, but it definitely didn't last long. I was so afraid, I felt lost, and insecure. I didn’t know what was happening to me, why did I feel that way, trapped in my own skin... I stopped having friends because everyone could see how weird I was and nobody wanted to talk to me, except for this one girl: Bree Matthews."

Beck’s jaw tightened, their eyes wandering all over the place because of the nervousness.

“So, Bree and I started to hang out. Chill some time round. We were close, I mean, really, really close. She was the one who I told about my dysphoria first, and she was totally supportive. She helped me understand what I was going through, sometimes she would borrow her brother’s old clothes to give them to me and helped me pick my very first short haircut. Bree was my safe space in a town where I’d be mistreated just to use a bathroom. I kinda felt for her… so one night into the forest I kissed her. And~ it wasn’t a good idea.”

“What happened?”

“Well~ Daniel and his gang came into the picture and intimidated her, so she sold me as a pervert, a weirdo, among other… awful things. Can’t blame her, Daniel was a wrecked truck whenever he wanted so… yeah. My family found me eight hours after, all beat up from head to toes. I was unconscious and with an actually broken rib.” Beck tried to joke, but it was so bad at timing it actually made it worse for Poppy to hear. “I~ I almost die.” Beck sighed, as if with that they could put all that behind. “Anyway so she apologized to me through a phone call because she wanted to kiss me too but, you know, shit happens; I got better and now I’m in New York doing what I love so… Happy ending, right? It was funny, they didn’t let me use the bathroom but they all thought I was “male enough” to beat the crap out of me ever since.”

Poppy stopped playing with Beck’s hands, making them do the same. They told the end of the story so lightly as if they were talking about a T.V. show they just watched and not some really cruel harassment they went through for a long time. The strawberry blonde was a lot of things, bad things, but the things that beast did to Beck just because of their dysphoria? That was a whole new level that Poppy would never stoop into.

“How can you joke about things like that?”

“Well, I figured I had two ways to address the problem: Being insecure or making the most out of this. That’s why I do music. Yeah, my songs don’t talk about the transgender community directly, but I make sure everybody knows who am I. What I am. I write songs for people out there that feel just the same as I do. Not only transgender people, but the whole LGBTQ+ also needs representation! Folks having their back! And if I can reach at least one soul and show them that no matter how they were born, they can make it… Hell, I could die happily.”

The fire in their eyes, the passion radiating strongly from their body, from their words. It was impossible for Poppy to look away from Beck. Of course, Beck didn’t care about a spot in the T list, or and stupid award. Beck was more into their music, making their voice be heard. That was why they did claim to care less about competition, Beck was climbing their way to the top because of their conviction and resilience. It was curious how the more she learned about Beck, the more she felt drawn to them.

“You are so brave, do you know that?”

“And it only took me a delicate rib and trust issues.” Beck claimed proudly as if it was a bargain.

“Trust issues? Beck, you’re one of the most confident people l know!” They began to laugh, the blonde could feel their laughter below her because of the slight belly-shaking. “It’s irritating.”

“I am really amazing myself.” Poppy rolled her eyes at the flirty smirk Beck flashed towards her. “But I’m not insecure about myself… most of the time. I do have a hard time trusting in people. I mean, Daniel didn’t have a hold on me… Bree, on the other hand…” Beck shrugged. “But I do trust you, Poppy.”

Something inside the blonde felt off, those words accompanied by that good-natured smile made Poppy feel a bit guilty. Like, yeah, she was just trying to archive exactly that for her own benefit, it should feel like a win, right? But no.

“You haven’t done anything wrong, yet.” She said to herself. “For all we know, this is just some casual date.”

Maybe… give up? Maybe actually try and date Beck?

What could possibly go wrong?

“I trust you too, Beck.” She replied without a doubt. So she tossed her golden locks over one shoulder, leaning down to kiss Beck’s lips. She soon felt them kissing her back, sweetly, calmly at first but then it was obvious they both needed more than that. Poppy let go of Beck’s hands to place hers in their Beck, while they grabbed her by the waist. The heat soon took over her body, especially after they responded to it by biting Poppy’s bottom lip, making her moan. Poppy knew right away there was a change in Beck’s behavior, they were more confident, more secure, they actually felt ready and she had to say, that was a very welcome and pleasing development. But they were shaking still.

“What 's wrong? You don’t want to—?”

“No. No, it 's not it. It 's just…” Beck took a deep breath avoiding Poppy's gaze for a second before looking at her pleading while keeping hold on her. “I don’t want you to see me differently when you look at what I have beneath the clothes.” They confessed.

“I won’t. I promise.” She said, caressing the hair in the back of their nape. “This is just you, with all letters.” She smirked, trying to lighten the mood and she succeeded. Beck grinned from ear to ear, relieved, kissing her passionately, hungry and the Poppy did the same, tasting their tongue with hers. The caresses between the two became more intense and she couldn’t stand the fever growing anymore, so she took the edges of their favorite black t-shirt and pulled up, revealing Beck torso for the very first time.

She understood right away what Beck meant. Cutting through their chest there it was a thin, darker line, a scar that was slowly healing, but nevertheless it was there easy to pinpoint. It was strange, she had seen a lot of those mastectomy scars on google but Beck chest looked different somehow, strong, gym crafted, and the scar actually was interesting, sexy even.

“I don’t know what you were so scared of, Hughes. Hell, you’re hot as fuck, I hate you.”

Beck chukled, their confidence coming back.

“Yeah, well… There is not an ugly part on this body afterall.” They grinned.

“I’m going to erase that obnoxious smirk of yours.”

“You will?” Beck grabbed a hold on Poppy’s hair and pulled slightly but demanding backwards, exposing her neck to them to kiss and lick, causing a shaking sigh that turned the heat even higher for both. “Show me then.” They whispered over her skin, their breath brushing bristling her body.

Poppy pushed them down on the couch, kissing them hardly. This was war now, and she would definitely win.

----

Next

[yikesharringrove]

Umm, I accidentally deleted the request for this while moving it to my inbox, so here it is. (Also this is like, four months old).

I’m gonna rec this fic which is super well written and adorable

Steve is ftm. (Personally, I’m not a big fan of mpreg unless it’s like, biologically plausible 🤷‍♀️)

Under the cut bc it’s long and there’s a little bit of smut.

-

Billy’s hands were shaking as he raced out of the house.

He had a bag slung over one shoulder, had already put two others in the Camaro.

His dad had gone in hard today. Three days after Billy graduated high school and he’s already calling him a deadbeat, a fuck up. Telling him to get a job like he hasn’t worked every summer and most weekends since he was fourteen.

He lit a cigarette as he slid into the driver’s seat.

He was gonna make one stop on the way outta town.

-

Steve had given Billy a spare key months ago, after he was tired of always having to go downstairs and answer the door.

He liked it when Billy just made his way up, started kissing whatever skin was already exposed and asking Steve if he’s wet.

Tonight, Steve thought, was no different.

Billy was kissing up his calf, mouthing along his knee, a few fingers creeping up the leg of his shorts.

Billy was the best sex he’s ever had. Not a lot of gay guys will go down on Steve, some won’t even fuck him. He had been real hesitant to tell Billy, start having regular sex with his best friend, because he didn’t think Billy would want anything to do with him when he knew what he was bringing to the table.

But Billy had told him not to be an idiot, ate him out, and pounded him into the mattress.

And Steve was in love.

So he let Billy fuck him whenever he pleased, because at least Billy was giving him the time of day, at least he was getting some.

He opened his eyes, smiling lazily down at Billy.

“‘Time is it?”

“Almost two.” Billy was curling two fingers into his waistband, slowly pulling down his shorts, like maybe Steve wouldn’t notice.

Steve lifted his hips, and Billy whipped off his shorts, diving right in for his pussy.

He ate him out with the same fervor he did everything. Making all these gross slurping sounds, sucking on Steve’s cock and shoving his tongue inside him.

He made Steve cum twice on his face, as was the norm, before wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, and getting right to business.

He fucked Steve like he was mad at him.

He often did. And Steve knew he wasn’t mad at him, moreso mad at the other him, the him that’s ruined Billy’s life since before he was even born.

Steve wasn’t as dumb as everyone thought. Knew that when Billy snuck into his bedroom at odd hours of the night and absolutely ravished him, something bad had happened with his dad.

So when Billy finally rolled off of him, and lit a cigarette, Steve knew better than to ask.

“I’m leaving.” Steve just hummed at him. Billy sometimes stuck around after sex.

But Billy didn’t move.

“Like, leaving Hawkins.” Steve just hummed again. Billy talked a lot about leaving Hawkins. Steve had always secretly dreamed of running away with him. 

Billy just studied his face in the dark, stubbing out his cigarette and rolling over to hols Steve close to his chest.

Steve closed his eyes, let himself pretend.

Pretend that Billy loved him back.

-

He woke up to rustling, Billy getting dressed to leave as weak sunlight began to trickle through his curtains.

“Oh shit, didn’t mean to wake you.”

He smiled lazily at Billy.

“You comin’ back over tonight?” Billy looked stiff.

“Probably not. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’ll see you later, then.”

“Yeah. Later.” Billy was sitting on the end of his bed, had just finished tying on his boots.

And then he moved, quick as a flash to kiss Steve softly before he was thundering down the stairs.

Steve was just falling asleep as the Camaro roared away.

-

Billy had skipped town that night.

And Steve never forgave himself.

-

Steve was leaning over the counter, his head pressed into the cool top of it.

“I threw up all last week, and I just feel like shit.” He had been whining to Robin practically all morning at Family Video.

“Do you think you have the flu?”

“I don’t know, Rob. I mean, my stomach hurts a lot, but like, it feels like I’m just having awful cramps.”

“Are you on your period?”

“Nah. Don’t get it very often with the hormones anymore.”

“Normally I’d suggest pregnancy, but I know you’re in a bit of a dry spell.” He rolled slightly to look darkly at her. “Still no word of Billy?”

“No. The one person in Hawkins that isn’t too transphobic to fuck me, and he skips town.” Steve sighed. “I should’ve known, too. He was being super weird that night.”

“Whatever. When you and I skip town, we’ll have the time of our damn lives, and get you laid.” He laughed softly.

“I’m just gonna go to the doctor this weekend. Get a full physical.”

“Let me know the verdict at and I can come over with some medicine, if you need.”

“Thanks, Rob.”

-

Steve was lying back on the stiff exam table.

He had already given blood and urine samples, and was just waiting for the doctor to tell him what the fuck was wrong with him.

Sometimes his hormones had to be adjusted, and caused all sorts of weird shit to go haywire in his body.

Dr. Mauch was a kind woman, always been pleasant and accepting of Steve, even referred him to an endocrinologist for his hormones.

She didn’t smile when she came in, though. Just sat down at her stool.

“I’m going to go out a limb here and say that this is not news you’ll be happy about hearing.”

Steve felt his heart drop to his stomach.

“You’re pregnant.”

He blinked.

“No.”

“I’m sorry, Steve. But you most definitely are.”

“But, but I’m on blockers, and testosterone, and I haven’t had sex in months.”

“I’d say about six months.” His mouth was dry. Billy had left in late May. About six months ago. “And being on hormones is not an effective method of birth control. Some men still get pregnant after taking them.”

“I’m not, I don’t look pregnant.”

“Some people don’t really show their pregnancy. My sister was rail thin the entire time, had a perfectly healthy baby girl. It’s all about your body type.”

“So, so you’re telling me, that I’m six months fucking pregnant.”

“Yes.” He slumped back onto the exam table.

“What are, what are my options?”

“Well, unfortunately, not many. Abortions are only legal in Indiana up to 20 weeks, or five months, or unless the person pregnant is facing severely compromised physical health. There’s always adoption.”

“No one’s gonna want a baby from a trans guy.” She pursed her lips.

“I think that’s a harsh statement. Many people are desperate for babies.” Steve just stared at her.

“So, if I have to take it to term, should I like, go off my hormones.” His stomach gave a lurch at the idea.

“I would recommend it. There’s very little research one pregnancy in transgender individuals. We really don’t know how hormones can affect the baby.” Steve sighed. “I would say, get in with an OB/GYN. I can recommend a few I know and send them your medical history. Your name change and hormone therapy is part of all of it, so hopefully they will be kind.” Steve sighed.

“Thank you, Doc. I really appreciate it.”

“I’m sorry for the disappointing news.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” She gave him a copy of their appointment notes, a list of OB/GYNs for him to research, and a hug before she left.

He drove home slowly, feeling exhausted, like the weight of the fucking world was on his shoulders.

He got home to find Robin sitting on his front porch, her nose buried in a book, a pizza box sitting next to her.

She looked up at him, and he burst into tears.

-

“Look, Max, if he contacts you in any way, tell him to call Steve, okay? It’s important.” Robin was yammering to Max on the phone, trying to get a way to contact Billy.

Steve was laying on the couch, had his shirt rucked up over his stomach, pushing it out and sucking it in, trying to see any change in his body.

“Just give him Steve’s phone number and tell him he’s an asshole.” She hung up the phone, perching on the armrest at Steve’s feet.

“She know where he is?”

“No. She said he ran off and hasn’t contacted her at all. She didn’t even know he was leaving.” She slid onto the couch, let Steve put his feet on her lap. “You think he’d come back? If he knew?”

“I don’t know. I’m not really asking him to. I mean, I don’t think I’m in a place to take care of it, but I kinda just want him to know it exists. Like, I think he deserves that.”

“I get it.” Her voice was soft. She watched Steve stare at his tummy some more. “I’m sorry. I’m sure this is just, dysphoria out the wazoo.” Steve huffed a laugh.

“I don’t think it’s really hit me yet. I think ‘cause I’m not showing. I don’t look pregnant, so how can I be pregnant, you know?” He sighed tugging down his shirt. “Going to the doctor’s gonna be a damn nightmare, though. They’re too used to dealing with women. It’s gonna suck.”

-

Steve was right.

Even though his primary care doctor had sent his medical history, he still got deadnamed and misgendered at reception, and intake, and by the nurse, and the doctor when she finally arrived.

They gave him a pelvic exam, getting him in for a sonogram as well.

And as the doctor was moving the imagining wand around on his tummy, and he heard the heartbeat for the first time, something caved inside of him.

A baby. He was having a baby.

And part of him, a really fucking big part of him, was starting to love it.

-

His parents were home for four days.

And Steve had waited for the final day of their homesteading to tell them.

He’s glad he did.

Diner was as quiet as always, and Steve had nearly choked on the words.

“I’m pregnant.”

His father had gotten out his wallet, asked how much an abortion costs.

“I’m too far along for that. Nowhere will legally do it.”

His mother had just stared at him. His father asked how far along he was.

“Close to seven months. I didn’t even know until like, a week and a half ago.”

And his father had stood up, and the yelling began.

“I can’t believe you. You kick up this huge fuss, make us change your name, and the way we refer to you, go around telling everyone your a boy, and you get pregnant like the little slut you are.”

And he had told Steve to back his shit, told him he was not welcome in my house anymore.

And Steve didn’t have a lot of shit he cared about, the clothes he liked fit in one duffel bag.

His mother didn’t look at him as he left.

-

He had called Mrs. Henderson from a payphone.

Nobody else could give him a ride anymore, and he wasn’t expecting her to drop everything and drive him somewhere, but she had freaked out at the words kicked out and for getting pregnant, and told him to stay where he is.

She was there with a tight hug and a travel mug of honey lemon tea within twenty minutes.

Steve had asked for a ride to a youth shelter he had read about, but she shook her head, said you’re coming to live with me and Dusty and Steve had cried in her passenger seat, and again in her guest bedroom.

-

Steve groaned.

He had finally begun showing, just a little bit out a mound near his belly button.

But he felt like shit, had taken to spending most days in bed.

He bat away whoever was shaking him.

“Go away.”

“Steve, it’s Max.”

“I’m sleeping.”

“I found Billy, you asshole. I have his address.” Steve sat bolt up straight.

“You, where is he?”

“Boston. He went east, for some reason. But he sent me a letter, out of the blue, and I told him you had something important to say, but he said he doesn’t have a phone.” She handed him a slip of paper.

“Thanks, Max.” He gave her a weak smile, found her chewing her lip.

“Is he the father? The other father, I mean.” He had told the party about the pregnancy, figured rumors would begin spreading soon enough.

“Yeah. He’s the other father.”

“He wouldn’t have ditched you. If he’d known.”

“I know.”

“He’s not like that.”

“I know.” She stared him down. He kept his face open, honest.

“Are you gonna write to him?”

“Yeah. I just, I don’t really know what to say.”

“Just keep it simple. Tell him he’s got a kid. Let him choose what he wants.”

-

It took Steve almost a month to draft a letter.

He didn’t really know what to say.

He settled on the bare minimum.

I’m pregnant. And it is most definitely, without a doubt, yours. I’m not expecting anything from you. I don’t want money, or for you to move back to Hawkins. I just thought you deserve to know about your kid.

He read the letter about three times, one hand pressed delicately to his little bump.

I’ve decided to keep the baby. I’m going to raise them. You’re welcome to meet them, and be in their life if you choose, but if not, I’m not going to hold it against you.

He sealed the envelope, leaving it on his nightstand.

And then his contractions started.

He didn’t get around to sending it.

-

Claudia was the only person in the room with him when he gave birth.

She held his hand the whole time, coached him through his breathing.

And when his son was born, she pet his head, told Steve how beautiful he is.

-

Steve was slumped face down on the bed.

He had just gotten Oliver down, calmed him down enough for him to finally sleep.

He rolled over, scrubbing a hand down his face.

He had barely slept all week. But Oliver had smiled at him for the first time yesterday.

He turned to lay on his side, zeroing in on the envelope on his nightstand.

He sat up quickly.

Fuck. He needed to send that letter.

He didn’t bother thinking about it, just wrapped his sweater tighter around himself, and hurried to the mailbox. He put the little flag up, leaving the letter in the little inner clasp.

He looked back down at Oliver, running one finger over his fuzzy little head.

-

He didn’t hear from Billy for three weeks.

He knew the letter wouldn’t take more than a few days to get to him, and it would take just as long for Billy to get him back.

He had pushed Billy out of his mind, figured if he wanted to be part of Oliver’s life, he had given him enough of a chance to be.

He put on a thick sweatshirt, had taken to wearing baggy tops to hide his tits, too sore, too big to bind anymore. Oliver squealed at him when he leaned against the side of his crib, reaching out for him.

He strapped him into his stroller to take him on a walk, stopped dead in the doorway.

Billy fucking Hargrove was in the driveway, standing next to the Camaro like he had just gotten out of it.

His eyes were wide, trailing from Steve, to Oliver, and back again.

“Is that my kid?” Billy’s hair was shorter than when he had left.

“Oliver. His name is Oliver.” Billy stepped around the car.

“Can I, can I see him?” Steve brought the stroller down the driveway, taking Oliver out of the stroller.

Billy held him like he was made of gold.

“He’s beautiful.”

“I think he looks a lot like you.” Billy smiled at him.

“Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry I couldn’t get here, I was waiting for my semester to end.”

“It’s okay. I just, you know. Thought you deserved to know about him.” Billy stared at Oliver, his smile going soft as Oliver squealed, tugging on Billy’s hair.

“I want to be in his life. If that’s okay?”

“Of course it is. He’s your son too.” Billy brushed his thumb down Oliver’s nose.

“Thank you, Steve. And I’m, I’m sorry about how I left. I was going to-” he cut himself off, looking back at Oliver. “I was gonna ask you to come with me. Chickened out last minute.”

Steve’s heart was banging against his rips.

“I would’ve gone with you. Used to dream about running away with you.” Oliver started getting fussy, making disgruntled little huffs. Billy passed him back to Steve. “I was in love with you. You know that?”

“Yeah, I knew that. Was to chicken shit to do anything about it.” Billy was still looking at Oliver, the way he nestled into Steve’s neck. “He loves you a lot.”

“It’s been the two of us for awhile.”

“You’re a good dad. Always kinda figured you would be, though.” Billy took another breath. “You know, you could’ve told me sooner. I would’ve come back.”

“I don’t want you to, to change you life. Don’t quit school, or something.”

“Steve, I got a kid. I want to change my life for him. For, for you.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

“No never did. I’m choosing this. I’m choosing my family.” Steve hesitated.

“Would you like to come in? Have some breakfast? You could give Oliver his bottle, If you wanted.” Billy’s eyes lit up.

“I’d like that.”